Disclaimer: If I owned Dawson's Creek and some of its assorted quotes, "The Hardest Thing, " or Volvo, (that's for you, Jules!) then I'd be able to take my family to Spago every night.

Author's Note: Thoughts, flashbacks, and something to show that a word is being enunciated are in **, so you'll have to figure that one out on your own. Also, this is set when the gang is 23.

Author's Note #2 (ALL OTHER AUTHORS PLEASE READ): This totally and completely came from my own imagination, so if there's a part of your story that somehow got into mine, it's purely coincidental, so please don't send me hate mail! Someone did it to me and I was completely unaware I had used some of her story in mine, and she was extremely harsh and rude about it. So if you feel the need, please make it non threatening!

Josephine Potter sighed and pushed the "on" button controlling her radio in her Volvo station wagon.
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion
When you start to cry

Joey violently pressed the button again to turn the radio off. "Cheesbally song from the 90's, anyway, " she muttered.

But, in truth, the only reason why she was so "over-emotional, " if you will, over a 98 Degrees song, is because it reminded her of Dawson. It reminded her of the face he wore forever after she declared her undying, so-called unforgiveness for his actions.

Why did she have to be so cruel to him? She later realized that it was *Dawson* she had gotten upset with. He was only doing what he thought was right. And look what he got, a broken heart and a ruined life.

She had seen him in the halls and she knew that she was the cause of his pain. She could have blamed it on his father's relationship with Miss Kennedy or his mother's new job in Philadelphia…but she knew. She knew like she had always known. Joey knew that what he was going through was her fault and…it hurt her, too.

Later, after she had realized her wrong doing, all she wanted to do was swallow her pride and beg that Dawson take her back. But being…well, herself, she was too afraid of rejection. She had hurt Dawson beyond human understanding-more than once-and she wouldn't blame him if she wasn't welcomed back with open arms. What if he didn't want her anymore? She couldn't stand anymore pain or heartbreak.

God, how she hated her father for selling drugs again. Just because of it, one of his competitors threw a pipe bomb in the Icehouse and burned some of it down. Dawson told her to get out of the flames…he had, yet again, saved her. And what was her form of gratitude? Throwing him into a different kind of fire.

A fire where you can't get out, where the burning flames are tugging at your heart. The only way you can stop it is by putting it out yourself. Dawson couldn't do that…it would hurt him even more. He hadn't come out yet. Poor Dawson had been suffering under the proverbial flames for seven years, and by this time, was burned to a crisp…but he was still there.

Joey had gone to Richmond Community College-not University of Richmond, like her cousin, Erin, had attended, but Richmond Community. She had applied to all the art schools out there, but hadn't been accepted to one. Suffering under the burden of a criminal father and a restaurant that was trying to be rebuilt, her grades dropped significantly.

The improved Icehouse had just been finished the previous year, and now that there were new decorations and the like, business was booming. Bessie seemed a little happier compared to the years before…but there was still the fact that her father hadn't changed.

In their freshman year of college, Dawson didn't come back to Capeside for his holiday break. When Joey realized this, she snuck into his room and watched his interview with her father. And as she watched this film project so intently, she began to cry. It was *her* fault that Dawson didn't get into a good film school so that he could follow his dream. She had broken his heart, and he spent so much time analyzing their relationship, (or lack thereof), that he got his priorities messed up.

She had screwed him up.

Yet again.

**********

Andie McPhee smiled weakly at the minister as she walked into the funeral parlor. It was her first funeral since…well, since Abby had died.

God, it was Abby's death that started the chain reaction. She started visualizing Tim again and that's what made Jack call their father. Her father persuaded her to go back to Providence, and that traumatized Pacey.

It was that event that made Pacey downcast…that event that made Pacey push everyone away. If she hadn't of visualized Tim, then Pacey might still be alive.

It was all her fault.

"You may be feeling as if it's your fault, Andie, but it's not. " Andie turned around and faced her brother.

"Yes, it is, Jack, " she insisted, her eyes brimming with huge tears. "If I didn't belong in a looney bin during my years as a teenager, then Pacey might still be alive right now! "

"But, And, it's happened. There's nothing we can do now except hope that Pacey is happy right now. Because you know what, Andie? " Jack gestured for her to sit down on a bench and after she did, he slid in next to her.

"What, Jack? " Tears spilled over Andie's face.

"He's watching over you, and, " Jack put his arm around his sister, "he's happy. "

"You really think so, Jack? "

"Andie…you've overcome your manic depression against all the odds. You still loved me even after I came out of the closet, so to speak. And remember how you shaped Pacey up? You did more for him in six months than his family did in 16 years. " (Amanda's Note: it's only my personal diagnosis that Andie has manic depression-also known as being bi-polar-but my aunt has it and I have an exceptional knowledge of the illness, so consider it…semi-professional).

"I…I just hope he's happier… " Andie whispered.

**********

*God dammit, Pacey, why'd you leave me?* Dawson lamented as he entered the funeral parlor. He bit his lip to fight back the tears that had been uncried for so long, but one escaped his eye.

"Dawson. " He twirled around and came face to face with Andie, her eyes red and puffy. "Come sit down. "

"Why'd he leave us, Andie, why? " he asked her irrelevantly, tears dripped down his face. "I always lose everything, don't I? Maybe I'm cursed or something, because I always seem to lose everything I love. I lost my parents. Then I lost Joey and now I lost Pacey. I just…God, what the hell did I do to deserve this? I've screwed up, I know that…but I never thought it would be enough to just want to die to get rid of the pain… "

"Dawson, you know that things will, someday, shape up, " Jack reassured him. "I know how numbing the pain of hating yourself is, but it goes away, I promise. "

"My parents promised me they'd always love me…Pacey promised he'd never leave me and Joey promised she'd never hurt me. I've learned my lesson about trusting people with their promises, Jack…I've learned never to trust someone in gigantic proportions because they'll break it. And…and I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to forgive myself for not figuring that out soon enough, because that's why I'm as brokenhearted as I am. Because I trusted them too much. I trusted my parents and I trusted Pacey and…I trusted Joey. That's why I hate myself most, because I trusted Joey. " Dawson shut his eyes tightly and tears streamed down his cheeks.

"This must be one of the first times you've cried in years. Am I right, Dawson? " Andie observed. When he nodded, she gave him a reassuring hug.

"Jack won't break his promise, Dawson, I swear on my life. Seeing you in this much pain makes me wonder if there's room for anymore to be pushed in. "

"There is, Andie…my God, there is. "

**********

Joey stepped carefully into the funeral parlor. The last time she had been there was for Abby's funeral…Abby died the night she and Dawson got back together. Dammit! Everywhere she turned, there was something to remind her of him.

Joey knew Dawson must be devastated that Pacey died. She wished she could help him like he helped her with her mother's death…Joey wished she could repay the deed.

But what she had said had been said, and however much she wished she could, Joey couldn't take back her harsh words. She closed her eyes and pictured Dawson's brokenhearted face when she told him off… "What I have to say, you're not going to like, so I'll say it quickly. I hope one day that I'll be able to forgive my father for all of this, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself, but I know that I will never forgive you. See, Dawson, there are certain circumstances that love can not overcome and from now on…I don't want to know you. "

Joey's words replayed in her head as huge tears flowed down her cheeks. She sank into the nearest seat and buried her hands in her head.

*I'm sorry, Dawson…God, I'm so sorry…*


Okay, people, I'm dying to know what you think...I've worked really hard on this and "Stand By Me" and probably will continue to do so on the next installment...so if I don't get feedback, I don't know, I might pull a Dr. Evil and threaten to blow up the world or something...

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