Disclaimer: I don't own the song "Empty Spaces" by Pink Floyd or Pop Tarts.
Distribution: Put it wherever you want. Just send me an email.
Note: This fanfic is based on Pacey and deals with very serious issues. At the minimum it should be PG-13 for language and violence. It begins after the episode, "The Kiss."
Another Note: This is my brand new fanfic. It started out as a Pacey/Andie or Pacey/Joey fanfic...I don't know, something like that. Then suddenly it just metaphorphasized into a whole different story about Pacey. The song was sent to me with another bunch of them by an online friend and they sort of seemed to fit.
What shall we use to fill the empty spaces?
Where we used to talk?
How should I fill the final places?
How should I complete the wall?
"Empty Spaces" ~ Pink Floyd
Pacey Witter ran his hand through his hair, carefully inspecting it in the bathroom mirror. He sighed in relief, his hair was back to it's normal brown color. No more "frosted tips" for him. What a waste of forty dollars.
Pacey sank to the floor and sat against the door. What a day he thought. When he had changed his hair color he had been determined to overcome the image of Pacey the loser. At the hair salon he had spotted Kristy Livingstone, blond cheerleader, senior, and had decided to go for her. What the hell did he have to lose? Plenty. Now he sat, defeated, his head in his hands, reliving the shock and humiliation of his conversation with Kristy. He hadn't been in love with her but this latest failure indicated to him that he would always be a loser, he would never be more than that. No matter what he did.
Andie. Pacey thought her name. Ever since her car had run into his he had been attracted to her. She certainly had a good sense of humor, one that matched his. He would never have thought of a "heart stripe." Behind her attitude he sensed the potential of a good friend and more...but he couldn't believe how she had hurt him, she had no conception of what her revenge had done to his already low self esteem. She had confirmed what his family and Capeside had told him, he was a loser.
Pacey frowned. What about his friends? Where were Dawson and Joey? Or Jen? He hadn't seen them in awhile. Certainly not Joey other than a glimpse in the halls. What was with the spaghetti strap shirt? Definately un-Joeylike clothes. They seemed to have magically emerged after she had gotten together with Dawson. And Dawson, he and Dawson hadn't really talked since the day they cut their hair. He was happy for the two but it seemed as if he had become the third wheel. Jen. They had never been really good friends but Pacey realized that they had a common goal: to change from the person they once had been. Not that it seemed to do any good.
"Pacey. Get the hell out of the bathroom!" his father yelled, "Before I beat the shit out of you! Other people need to use it too!"
Pacey sank down further against the wall and closed his eyes.
The next morning Pacey got up and quickly dressed after taking a shower.
Today's my sixteenth birthday he thought, at least I'll get some acknowledgement from somebody. He went to the kitchen, maybe his mom had made breakfast. No. The kitchen lay silent and empty. Disappointment flooded through him, she had forgotten his birthday...again. He walked over to his parent's room and saw her huddled on the bed, a bottle held loosely in one hand. She looked up, her eyes bloodshot, her hair falling around her shoulders in dirty clumps.
"P-P-Pacey?" she said.
"Hey, mom," he said softly, then fled to the safety of the kitchen.
His mother's drinking problem was a secret that none of his friends knew, a secret he had kept since the 5th grade. Not even Dawson knew and definately not Joey. They never went into the house, he had always claimed that it was because of Doug, but it wasn't, it was because of her. He hid her from them like she was something to be ashamed of. A long time ago when they were little kids they had seen her all the time, before she had begun to drink, turning to the bottle for the comfort she didn't receive from her husband. Pacey felt disgust, not toward her but towards himself. He couldn't face his mother, he couldn't try to help her. Every time he tried he would always end up fleeing from her.
Pacey got some milk and warmed up a Pop Tart. He quietly ate his breakfast in the silent kitchen. Doug walked by Pacey and out the door. Without glancing back he called out, "Pacey. Don't you dare steal the truck again!" It wasn't as if he had expected anything else from Doug but Pacey felt worse.
He grabbed his backpack and stalked out the door. He tried to open the truck but the door was locked, then the piercing sound of an alarm filled the air. Shit he thought. Then jumped onto his bike and got out of there as fast as he could. I'll hear about this when Dad get's home from work. Isn't that going to be fun?
As Pacey arrived at school he saw Dawson walking toward him and jumped off the bike, letting it crash to the ground.
"Hey, Pacey. What's up?" Dawson said. Before Pacey could answer he said, "Pacey. What do you do if you found out something about a girl you never knew before?"
Pacey's heart sank. Dawson, his best friend, had forgotten his birthday. Great. It looked like nobody was going to remember. And what was it with him suddenly becoming the person to ask advice from? "You must be talking about Joey. Well, Dawson, you deal with it." He definately did not want to talk about Dawson's problems right now. They seemed to so small in contrast to his own, and he never was begging Dawson for advice every three seconds. Come on, Dawson had to learn to face his own problems eventually.
Dawson sighed, seemingly oblivious to his friends lack of enthusiasm. "But it's as if she's a whole different person from the one I know."
Pacey's temper rose. Why the hell should he help Dawson? It was obvious that they weren't as good friends as he thought. Dawson couldn't even remember his birthday. "God, Dawson! JUST DEAL WITH IT! Some people have bigger, more serious problems than yours!"
Dawson seemed to actually see Pacey for the first time that day, and was shocked at Pacey's outburst. "What's your problem, Pacey? Is it because Kristin Livingstone didn't go out with you?!"
"You're way behind Dawson! Don't you know what today is?!" Pacey waited.
Dawson opened his mouth, then closed it.
"You don't have anything to say to me." Pacey knew he shouldn't have even tried to count on Dawson.
"What's up with you?" Dawson asked, looking at his friend strangely.
"What's up with me? You want to know what's up with me Dawson?! Today's my f--king birthday and I have not received acknowledgement from anyone. Not even my best friend. All you talk about is Joey and now I wonder if I'm your best friend or advisor. We never talk anymore. I mean really talk, like we used to," Pacey unleashed his anger on Dawson, "Well, you know what Dawson? I'm going to celebrate my birthday with or without your help!" Pacey grabbed his bike and angrily rode off, leaving a shocked Dawson staring after him.
Pacey rode toward the docks. Why should he go to school anyways? It wasn't as if it was going to help him get out of this stupid town. He slowed as he saw the wooden docks ahead and jumped off. Pacey quickly walked toward the end and saw Jen sitting there, looking out at the water.
"Hey, Jen," he said.
She looked up, startled. "Oh. Hey, Pacey."
He gave her a quick smile and said, "Well, isn't this a coincidence. So, what are your troubles, Jen?" His tone softened, "Is it your grandfather?" His eyes searched hers.
"Yes...no. It's my whole life, Pacey. It's completely fallen apart," Jen said, then changed the subject, "So why are you here?"
"Well, see I get to school and the first thing Dawson does is talk about his problems, and has completely forgotten the fact that I've just turned sixteen. How's that for a friend?"
"Today's your birthday?" Jen asked, surprised.
"Whoopee," Pacey said sarcastically. Even Jen didn't know it was his birthday. Well, he wasn't surprised. It wasn't as if his friends thought about him anyways.
"I'm sorry Pacey. I didn't know," Jen said, looking apologetic.
"That's all right. Anyway, screw Dawson. I'm going to have a big bash without his help."
"Pacey...he's got a lot on his mind," Jen said, "he'll make it up to you."
"Yeah...well, I have to go." It figures that Jen is standing up for Dawson. She's totally in love with him.
As he walked away his thoughts drifted toward the party. It was obvious he couldn't have it at home. His father would throw a fit and his mother...well, he didn't want to go into that. He decided it would be on the docks and he was going to invite everyone, he was going to show Dawson and Joey that he had other friends and that he could do fine without them. Where is Joey? he thought, Oh, yeah, the problem Dawson was talking about. Then his mind was back on the party. Hmm...I wonder if Andie will go.
Pacey looked at the docks where over a hundred of his classmates danced to the music that filled the air. He was pleased with the outcome of his party. A loser, this shows I'm no loser, otherwise nobody would have come. He searched for Andie in the crowd, she had said she might be there. Then he saw Dawson approaching the docks, Pacey walked over to him.
"Hey, Pacey," Dawson said, then started talking in a low angry tone, "Pacey. I know it's your birthday and that I forgot. I'm sorry. But you don't have to take it out on me. Just because I made a mistake doesn't mean you have a right to go yell at people. I really wonder, Pacey. I don't know you anymore. And frankly I'm not sure if I ever did."
Pacey couldn't believe this. How could Dawson be mad at him? "Dawson, what the hell gives you the right to lecture me? You say you don't know me. Well, have you even TALKED to me seriously about anything other than Joey recently? Our friendship has gone downhill ever since you kissed her. Everythings different now, you've got Joey and our friendship just can compare with what you've got!" He raged at Dawson in a loud angry voice. "Everybody in Capeside's written me off and my best friend in the whole world looks at me the very same way! You're right, you never did know me!"
He stormed off. Dawson didn't know him? He sure as hell didn't. Dawson didn't know about his mother, about the drinking, or about the rest of his family. Not that Pacey would have told him but Pacey was beyond thinking about this rationally. I'm leaving my own party he thought Not that anyone would notice. He walked home with his hands in his pockets.
Doug waited for him on the porch, his hands crossed over his chest. He was smirking and shaking his head.
"Well it seems like you tried to steal the truck this morning, Pacey. Dad's pissed. And I heard about that party you threw for yourself. Pacey, did you stop to think that nobody went to the party because of your birthday but because they wanted something to do? You'll never be anything more to Capeside than a loser." He grabbed Pacey by the shoulders as he tried to shove past him. "Pacey..." he punched Pacey in the stomach, "that's for screwing up again. About five minutes ago the station called me. It seems that alcohol was confiscated at your little bash. You've humiliated your family in front of the whole town again." He puched Pacey in the stomach again, then strode off. He called back, "So long, little brother."
Pacey staggered into the house and fell against the sofa, clutching his stomach. It had taken all his willpower and years of experience from Doug's beatings not to collapse in front of Doug. For a few minutes he rocked back and forth, trying to keep the pain in. As it faded to a tolerable level his mind filled with thoughts of revenge.
Pacey sighed. He knew that whatever he did wouldn't make a difference. His father thought Doug was perfect and that Pacey was a complete failure, deserving of Doug's occasional beatings. What Sheriff Witter didn't know was that Doug was gay. It didn't matter. If Pacey tried to tell, his father wouldn't believe him and the consequences would be painful to say the least. Ever since Pacey and Doug were little kids Doug had been the favorite. He had soon had begun to lord this over Pacey, hitting him if he did anything that Doug thought would humiliate the family, which was basically everything Pacey did.
Pacey closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch..."Pacey!" his sister Samantha poked her head over the side of the couch, "I heard you had a little party. Why wasn't I invited?" she pouted.
"Samantha. You weren't invited because I didn't feel like inviting you. Go away." She was so annoying. His thirteen year old sister seemed to revel in bothering him or pestering him about her social life.
"Well, fine then. Pacey you're such a loser." She turned her attention back to the television she had been watching.
Pacey lay on his bed listening to music in his dark bedroom. Suddenly the door flew open. Pacey covered his eyes as the bright light streaming from the hallway hit them. After a few seconds he took his hand away to see his father illuminated in the doorway, a tall black shadow against the light.
"Pacey, you're a disgrace to the family. You need to learn a lesson."
Sheriff Witter quickly shut the door behind him and walked across the room. He grabbed Pacey by the arm, his fingers painfully digging into the flesh.
"The way I'm going to do this is beating that waste that is lying in my bed. That'll teach you to steal my car, to supply alcohol at a party," he said this in a cold voice, "And you're going to watch."
"No!" Pacey cried, he wasn't going to let his father do this. He launched himself at his father, madly trying to punch him. His father was waiting for him and shoved Pacey, hard. Pacey realized that this was what his father had wanted, he had known what Pacey would do. If anything happened to him his father could say it was in self defense. He was Sheriff Witter and nobody would believe anything Pacey said, especially because he had been in trouble so many times. His father gave him a quick punch to the head and Pacey saw stars. He fell to the floor and passed out, the last thing he saw was his father's sweaty face.
To be continued...
Please send me ideas on what to do next! I really need your help! Also, was it good? Bad? Please send feedback!
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