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SUSAN LUCCI WON!!! DAMMIT, IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: When I get a chance to watch soap operas, which is not often, I watch the Bold and the Beautiful and occasionally other ones. But watching Susan Lucci win that award tonight, it was so inspirational and beautiful. I must say I have a renewed belief that actors and actresses really are nice to each other in how happy they were for her.
P.S. Jen, I heard James compared to the Beatles tonight. Whatís your reaction to that? Have some choice words? J J J
Disclaimer: Go ahead, sue me. Iím not creative enough tonight to write something witty to explain that I donít own the damn characters.
Rating: Itís gonna be a scorcher. Okay, seriously people, how hot can it get in a bloody delivery room? Then again, a lot of parents wouldnít like their ten year olds reading explicit birth scenes. Use your own discretion. Besides, if yaíll knew how old I was, you wouldnít believe me. Okay, on w/ the storyé…sorry for the ramblingé….
"Wanna cry for you
Would it do any good?
If I rained for you
It would just be water
And the nightís with you
And the stormís in your hand
And youíre down and youíre down
And I canít lift youé…"
"Okay, itís gonna be okay.. Just keep breathing." Dawson took in a few deep breaths as his father drove quickly down the highway towards the hospital, forty five minutes away from Capeside.
Joey looked over frusteratedly at Dawson. "Who are you trying to convince, me or you?" She snapped.
Gail turned from the front seat and grabbed Joeyís hand. "Itís okay, sweetie," She said soothingly. "Dawsonís right. Just keep on doing your breathing exercises."
Joey took a deep breath and let it out in short little bursts. "Good, Joey. Good job, honey," Gail said as Dawson rubbed his hand up and down Joeyís upper arm.
"Okay," Joey said, looking relieved. "That oneís over."
"Thank god," Dawson received a glare from Joey. "Okay," he said. "How far apart are they, Mom?" He asked Gail who was timing the contractions. Dawsonís greatest fear was that Joey was suddenly going to burst open or something in the middle of the car.
"Donít worry, Dawson. Their still ten minutes apart." Sensing her sonís fears, she added, "Thereís no way this baby will be making an appearance for at least a couple more hours."
"Good," said Dawson. Joey who had until this time been resting with her eyes shut on his shoulder, spoke up.
"Speak for yourself." She closed her eyes again, sweat pouring down her forehead. "This is not pleasant. Gail, did you call Bessie?"
"I did," Mitch spoke up. "I also called your friends. I figured youíd want them to know. Andie was really excited, and so were Jack and Jen. Pacey yelled out é‘Road trip!í" Joey laughed in spite of the pain she was feeling again.
Ten minutes later the group of four was rushing into the hospitalís maternity ward. Joey had already been sat down in a wheelchair at admitting.
"Okay, Ms. Potter, were going to take you into your room and get you set up and then your husband can come in." The orderly pushing Joey said, in a calm, assuring voice.
"Iím noté—" Dawson started to say, and then changed his mind as he looked at Joeyís scared face. "Itís okay, Jo. Iíll be in in a few minutes, okay?" Joey gripped his hand one last time and was wheeled off. Dawson looked after her worridly. Mitch grasped his shoulder.
"Donít worry, son. Sheís going to be just fine. Thousands of women do this every day, without doctors and pain killers. Letís go fill out those forms for the nurses and then youíll be able to see her quicker."
Dawson nodded his head and followed his parents to the nurses station, eyes still looking down the hall to where Joey had been wheeled.
"Okay, good. Good job, sweetie, just keep breathing," Dawson imitated the breathing exercises he and Joey had learned in Lamaze class.
Joey screamed, "If you think itís so easy, why donít you lie down on this bed and try to give birth!" Dawson patted her soothingly.
"I could never do it," He said to placate her.
"You had better fucking believe you couldnít!" Dawson felt her grip on his hand loosen as he watched the computer monitoring her contractions beep as each contraction went up and down.
"Okay, Jo. Itís coming way down now." Joey let out a deep breath and shuddered as the pain lessened suddenly.
"God this really sucks," she said. Dawson laughed as he used a washcloth to wipe off her face.
"Yeah, it does." They smiled at one another. Suddenly there was a tapping at the open door. The couple looked up to see their friends, who had finally made it, three hours after Dawson and Joey had reached the hospital, two and a half hours after Bessie.
"What the heck took you guys so long?" Asked Dawson, from his place sitting beside Joeyís bed. Andie, busy staring at Joey, who was hooked up to about five different machines, took a minute to answer. She couldnít believe how tired Joey already looked, with her hair matted and face red. She snapped herself out of her thoughts.
"Ask Amelia Earheart, over here," She said, punching Pacey lightly. " I kept trying to tell him he was taking the wrong exit, but would he listen? NO! He kept saying é‘Andie, sweetie, Iíve lived in this area for sixteen and a half years. I think I know this road better than you.í We were halfway to Providence before I forcibly convinced him to let me drive." Jen rolled her eyes. She walked over to Joey, and careful not to disturb any tubes sticking out of her, gave her a hug.
"How you guys doing?" She asked.
"Well," said Dawson. "Sheís was only four centimeters dialated so the doctors suggested we take a walk around the hospital floors, but the pain got so bad we had to come back here."
"Speaking of pain," Said Joey. "Here we go again."
Andie, Pacey, Jen and Jack looked in fear and shock as Joeyís face suddenly scrunched up and she grabbed Dawsonís handé—hard.
"Ow, ow, ow! Breaking my hand, Jo.." Joey bared her teeth and gave him a look. "But you know, thatís okay. Were in a hospital, Iím sure someone can fix ité—"
"Shut up!" She yelled loudly. "Just donít talk!" Andie and Jen winced as Joey arched her back and tried to breath. Jen grabbed Joeyís other hand and stroked her hair. "Itís okay, Joey. Just keep doing your breathing. Whoo-whoo, Like that okay?" Joey managed a feeble smile for Jen, who picked up an extra washcloth to bathe Joeyís face in.
"Why is she allowed to talk--?" Dawson started to ask.
"Shut up!" Joey screamed, grabbing him by the cuff of his shirt and pulled his face toward hers. "I hate you so much! This is all your fault!" She let go of her shirt and convulsed once more in her pain, before lying back as it began to diminish.
"Wow, Joey. You did that so well," Jen praised her.
"Thanks," Joey smiled. "Dawson, are you okay?" Dawson didnít answer. "Dawson, Dawson? Hello?" Dawson looked at her.
"I thought I wasnít allowed to talk," He said suspiciously.
"No, you can talk. Iím sorry, itís just it hurts really badly."
"I know," he said, kissing her forehead. Andie looked like she was going to be sick.
"Oh, god, I hate hospitals," She whispered to Pacey. Pacey put a hand on her head.
"Andie and I are going to head out and get you some coffee Dawson. Were kind of crowding the room."
Dawson nodded. "Thanks, man."
As Andie and Pacey left the room, her with an extremely pale face, "I really hope you donít plan on ever having sex again, Pacey." HE laughed and dragged her into the waiting room to see if any of the adults wanted something from the cafeteria.
"Do you want me to leave too?" Jack motioned toward the door. " Cause I can just go and wait with your parents and Bessie, Dawson."
"Yeah," added Jen. "WE donít want to be in the way."
Dawson was about to say something when Joey spoke up, "No, Jack, Jen. Donít go, okay? Actually, Dawson, why donít you go get that coffee Pacey was going to bring you? Take a break." Dawson was about to protest, when Joey put her hand up. "Go, okay? Iím going to need you more later. I need to talk to Jen and Jack right now."
"Okay," Dawson said looking confused. " Iíll be right out in the waiting room." Once he had left, Jack sat down in the chair Dawson had been occupying. Jen continued to wipe the sweat that was rolling down Joeyís face. Jack took Joeyís hand.
"Alright, whatís up?" HE asked expectantly.
Joey took in a deep breath. "One sec," she said through gritted teeth. Jack and jen talked her through the contraction, which was only three minutes after the last one.
"I need a favor,"Joey said at last, as she crunched down on some ice chips.
"Anything," said Jack. Jen nodded. "Whatever you need."
"Okay. Hereís the thing. I didnít let Dr. Pettersen tell Dawson, because, well, we all know how frenetic that boy can get."
"What is it?" Jack glanced at Jen, who shrugged.
"Dr. Pettersen says that since Iím so young, that there could be.. complications." Joey took in a deep breath. " I just need to know, that if something happened to me, if I donít come out of this okay, I need to know that Dawson and my baby will be okay."
Jack looked upset. "Joey nothing is going to happen to you."
Joey burst out, " You donít know that Jack!" She pointed to Jen before she could say anything, "and neither do you!"
"Try to calm down, Joey. You shouldnít be thinking about this now," objected Jen.
"No! This is the perfect time to be thinking about this. Please, I just need you to promise me.. that if somethingé… something goes wrong, youíll help Dawson. He.. it would be hard for him." She held up her hand to ward off more objections. "Please. I need you to just promise me this right now. Hopefully everything will be fine, but stuff happens.." Another contraction began. "Please," Joey begged through her pain. Jen wiped her forehead again. "Bessie has her hands full with Alex, Gail and Mitch are having their own problems, Andie, I love her, but she has her own issues to deal with and Pacey has to help her. I donít have parents.. you two are the only ones I can count on." Jack communicated with Jen with his eyes. She nodded.
"Okay, Jo, we promise," Jack said. Joey nodded and closed her pale eyelids, satisfied. "Jen, why donít you go get Dawson now?" Jack suggested. Jen got up, and gave Joeyís hand one last squeeze.
"Good luck, Joey."
"Thanks Jen." Joey said without opening her eyes. Jen looked back at Joey one last time before leaving the room solemnly.
Jack kissed Joey on the forehead. She opened her eyes and smiled at him, the contraction over.
"Donít worry, Joey. In a couple of hours you will be holding your daughter or son in your arms." Joey smiled faintly at the idea of that.
"I hope so," She said softly. Jack grinned at her, as Dr. Pettersen entered the room with two nurses assigned to Joey, Danielle and Nancy.
"okay, Joey," Said Dr. Pettersen. "Letís check how were doing, shall we?" She gave Joey a big smile. Joey, worn out, just nodded. Jack got up and left, after blowing Joey a kiss.
"Iíll see you in a few hours, kid," He said. Outside the door, Jen waited for him.
"What was that?" She asked. Jack shrugged. "You donít think anything will actually happen to her, do you?"
"I hope not," Jack reached over and gave Jen a big hug, holding her tight.
"Okay, Joey, you ready for some pain medication now? How does a nice epidoral sound?" Joey shook her head vehemently.
"No. I am not going to take any medication that might hurt the baby."
"Joey, honey, your in too much pain. Let them help you." Joey turned and gave Dawson an angry look.
"Joey, I explained how low the chances are of an epidoral hurting the baby. If your too tired by the time you need to push, believe me you are a heck of a lot more likely to hurt the baby." Joey looked back and forth between the doctor and Dawson, before nodding her consent.
"Good girl," Said the Doctor, patting Joeyís foot. "Iíll send the anithesiologist in."
"Dawson, Iím scared," Joey spoke up, ignoring the nurse who was constantly in the room monitoring her.
"I know," he said, kissing her lightly. "Iím sorry." It was all he could think of to say. Joey suddenly began to feel hot tears running down her face.
"I wish my mom were here."
"Oh, God, Joey," Dawson leaned over and held her as she cried into his shoulder. "I am so, so sorry. So sorry."
"Iím powerless to change your world
Iím powerless to stop the hurt
Iíll give you my heart, give you my shoulder
Give you my heart, give you my shoulder.
Wanna run for you
Would it do any good?
If I flew for you
You would still be standing
And itís hard watching
é‘Cause Iím a part of you
And itís hard not to know what I can do.."
"Okay, Joey. I want you to wait until you feel the contraction and then I want you to grab on as hard as you like to Dawson, cause thatís what youíre here for dad," Dr. Pettersen winked at Dawson. "And then I want you to push just like we talked about. Okay?" Joey nodded. "Good. Pretty soon youíll be holding your baby, just keep thinking about that when the pain hits." Joey nodded again, as she felt the stabbing pain start up again.
"Alright, here we go, Joey, give me a push, chin to your chest."
Joey looked over to Dawson who nodded his head encouragingly. Joey grabbed his hand and put her head down. She gathered up all her energy and thought about how ready she was to see her child.
"Hey, Joey," Dawson said. "Itís gonna be a boy."
"No, way, Leery," She grinned through her pain.
Joey began to push as hard as she could. "One, two, three, four, five.." Dawson tried to count as steadily and calmly as he could. "..Nine, and ten. Good job." Joey leaned back again against the pillow.
"Oh, god," Joey groaned. "Oh, my god. Like menstrual cramps my ass." Dr. Pettersen laughed, before turning serious again.
"Push again Joey." She said.
"No, I canít. Iím tired."
Dawson knew this was his cue to help. "Yes, you can Joey. I know your tired. But you can do this."
"Please, Dawson," She begged. "Donít make me do this." It killed him to see her suffering so badly, but he knew she had to push.
"Címon Joey. You can do this." She shook her head, but he grasped her behind her shoulders and helped her up, with the aide of the nurse named Nancy. "Joey, you can," He kissed her on the forehead. "You are the strongest person I have ever met, you have gotten through things a lot harder than this." He said supportivly.
"Yeah," She said. " I really donít think anything is harder than trying to push a thing the size of a beach ball out of my body."
Dawson laughed lightly. "Címon Jo. Letís do this. Donít you want to see your baby?" She nodded. "Then push!" He yelled and began to count for her again.
"Mother, Daughter, Sister,Lover,
One day soon youíll be one or the other
Youíll offer forgiveness, my savior, my sinner,
And then you will see that the circle begins her withé…
Mother, Daughter, Sister, Lover,
Father, and Son, Brother, Lover,
One day soon youíll be one or the other,
And youíll see that the circle begins here with..me.
We can grow together
We can walk together
We can laugh, we can
Mother, Daughter, Sister, Loveré…"
"Okay, kiddo, letís do it again," said Dr. Pettersen about an hour later. "We need to get the little one out of you." Her voice had begun to take on a hint of concern. Dawson noted this and how tired Joey was.
"Okay, Jo. Letís do this. One, two," He counted as he helped her back up. Joey felt as though her insides were going to rip open. All of a sudden she heard Dawson gasp.
"Joey," said Dr. Pettersen. "Open your eyes." Joey looked to see her babyís head coming out of her.
"Oh my god," Dawson felt a tear coming out of his eyes in amazement. The rest of the babyís body came out quickly and Joey flopped back against the bed in relief.
"What is it?" She asked weakly.
"Itís a baby," Said Dawson grinning at her. "Were parents."
"Well, duh." She said. "Was I right, Dawson?"
Dawson looked at the doctor, who had known about the "Great Debate." Smiling Dr. Pettersen nodded her head. "Yes, Joey. You were right. Itís a little girl."
"Oh, my god," Dawson said again, covering his mouth. He had a daughter. "What do you think of that, Jo? You were actually right?" He turned to hear her smug response, but there was none. Joeyís face was extremely pale and her eyes were closed. Dawson tapped her cheek. "Jo?" Was this normal? Shouldnít she be alright, now?
One of the nurses suddenly yelled out to Dr. Pettersen, who was examining the pink, screaming baby. "Doctor! Her BPís dropping like crazy! And the heart rate just jumped!" The young woman pointed to the heart monitor. DR. Pettersen dropped the chart she was holding and ran over to Joey. She began to quickly examine her.
"Oh, god! Sheís bleeding out!"
Dawson looked around, confused and scared. "Dr. Pettersen? Whatís going on? Whatís happening to my girlfriend?" Suddenly, he felt a nurse grab him by the arm.
"Címon, Mr. Leery,"she said gently. "Letís go out to the waiting room."
"No!" He yelled. "I wonít leave her!" He refused to move with the nurse, as he heard the doctor call out for backup.
"Dawson!" Suddenly he heard Dr. Pettersenís voice clearly. "The only thing you can do for her now is to go!" Dawson walked reluctantly out of the room, backwards. He stared as two new doctorís swarmed over his Joey and as the machines beeped out loud warnings.
"Oh, my god," He said. "Iím going to lose her."
"Pray god you can cope
I stand outside this womanís work
This womanís world.
Ooh, itís hard on the man
Now his part is over
Now starts the craft of the father.."
The atmosphere in the waiting room was tense. Jen sat, rubbing Dawsonís back as he kept his head drooped in his hands. Andie cried softly into Paceyís shoulder, as he held her hand. Gail was kneeled in front of Dawson, whispering to him softly and calmly. Mitch paced back and forth in front of the door to the private waiting room they had been moved in to. Jack sat by himself, only able to think of the last words Joey had said to him. Bessie too was isolated, her arms crossed, as she cried softly into her arms. Pacey handed her a tissue occasionally.
The group was interrupted out of their thoughts by a nurse carrying a bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. "Mr. Leery?" she called out questioningly. Dawson looked up, his eyes red.
"Yesé… oh.." He trailed off staring at the small blanket clothed baby. The nurse, whom he recongnized as Nancy from the delivery room, bent down and handed him his daughter. Dawson stared into the tiny face, who seemed alive and alert. Her eyes were open wide and she stared into her fatherís brown eyes. The babyís eyes were the same bright green as Joeyís. Dawson looked at the nurse.
Without him saying anything, she answered his question. "Iím sorry," She said. " I donít know anything about your girlfriend. I followed your daughter down to the nursery, cleaned her up, and then brought her right out here to see you." Dawson looked at her pleadingly. "Iíll tell you what, you stay here and hold your daughter and Iíll go see what I can find out." Dawson smiled at her.
"Thank you," spoke up Gail, " Your very kind." Nancy smiled and started to walk out the door. Suddenly, she hesitated and turned around. "Congratulations, Dawson." She smiled again, warmly, and hurried out to find out what she could about that poor boyís girlfriend.
Dawson looked down unbelievingly at his daughter. His daughter. Her green eyes pierced at him, her small fingers reaching out to him.
"She looks exactly like Joey, donít you think?" His voice was choked. No one in the group knew what to say. Jack turned his head away. Jen looked at Dawson grasping his child for dear life. Andie and Pacey gripped hands. Bessie stared at her niece.
"Mom?" Dawson said. "What am I going to do?" He began to cry for real as Gail put her arms around her son and granddaughter.
The group sat in complete silence for a few minutes, Dawson rocking his child, Gail rocking hers. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Pacey stood up and strode over to Dawson.
"Letís go man," He said firmly.
"But, but.." Dawson sputtered.
"Donít worry. Iím sure your mom wants to bond with her granddaughter. You, me and Jack are just gonna take a quick walk."
"I canít," said Dawson.
"Sitting here isnít going to help her. Letís go," Pacey said again firmly.
"Joey will like that," Gail tried to smile. Dawson nodded and hung his head as he walked out the door with his two friends. As he left, Lily started to cry. "Oh, Mitch. She already knows who her daddy is." Mitch nodded, unable to spead. Jen stood up, sniffling.
"Iím going to call Randy." Noticing Andieís face, she added," Come with me Andie." Andie got up to follow. Lily was left behind with her grandparents and aunt.
Gail, looking at her innocent granddaughterís face, felt tears coming. She buried her head in Mitchís shoulder. He stroked her hair gently. Bessie, alone, could only continue to cry. She had already buried her mother. Would she have to bury her sister too?
Dawson punched the wall outside the Maternity ward hard. Pacey grabbed him by the collar.
"Dawson, itís going to be okay, man. Calm down." Dawson turned his eyes ablaze.
"Itís going to be okay!? How in hell can it possibly be okay? Joeyís dying! Dying, Pacey! Donít you get it? Sheís everything! How the hell can I raise Lily without her, huh? For that matter how can I live without her!? I canít!" Jack closed his eyes and listened to Dawsonís painful tirade.
Dawson yelled as loud as he could. "What did we do to deserve this!? Why are we being punished? OH, god.." He leaned back against the wall. Pacey stared at him.
"This is all my fault." Pacey shook his head.
"No, dawson. Donít do that to yourself."
"it is!" Dawson yelled. "I did this to her! I am the reason sheís lying in there, probably dying!" He motioned towards the hospital delivery rooms. Pacey grabbed his best friend in a tight hug.
"Donít Dawson," He begged as Dawson tried to pull away.
Ten minutes later, the group had reconviened in the private waiting area. Dawson was mute, holding Lily. Mitch and Gail held each other, as did Pacey and Andie. Jack kept an arm around Jen.
Dr. Pettersen and Nancy walked in purposefully. Both looked grim.
"Oh, god," Said Andie. Mitch walked over to Dawson, keeping a strong arm on his son.
"Dawson," Dr. Pettersen sat down on the chair facing him. "Listen to me. Joey is suffering from something called Disseminated Intravascular Coagulations, commonly known as bleeding out. In laments terms, clotting agents are clotting her small blood vessels, which in turn means there is nothing left to clot her major organs. Basically, all of her major organs are bleeding." Dawson didnít say anything. He simply stared at his daughter.
"Dawson, this is very hard to treat, because there is a lot of controversy on whether to try and thin her blood or clot it. Itís quite complicated. We are adminstering plasma regularly in hopes that we can keep enough blood in her body long enough for the problem to right itself." She put her hand on his knee. "I canít promise you anything, but we are doing everything we can."
Bessie spoke up from the back of the room. "Can we see her?"
Dr. Pettersen nodded. "Yes, but only for a short amount of time, and only one person at a time. Also, I should warn you, she is unconcious, although we like to think she can hear you. Dawson," she turned once again to the teenager holding his daughter. "Why donít you give me the baby?"
"No," He spoke sharply. "Lily needs to see her mom."
Dr.Pettersen gave a slight smile and nodded. "Alright, I can take you two to see her now. Bessie, you can go next." Nancy took the baby from dawson so he could stand up. Dawson glanced back at his dad, who nodded enocouragingly.
Taking his daughter back into his arms, Dawson, followed Nancy to Joeyís new room. The lights were dimmed, and Dawson saw a bag of blood attached by IV to Joeyís hand. A heart monitor beeped against a wall. Dawson just thanked God she was able to breath for herself.
Carefully, Dawson set Lily down next to Joey. He caressed his girlfriendís pale cheek gently. "Josephine Marie Potter," his voice trembled. "Meet Lillian Rae Potter-Leery, your daughter. What can I say JO? You were right. Hell, your always right." He took her hand and laughed softly through the tears streaming down his face. "You know Iíd only admit that if you were unconcious." He paused a moment to collect himself. "Fight Joey. Fight hard. You have no idea how much I love you and need you. Your daughter needs you." Dawson stared at the plump cheeked baby and marveled at how much she really did look like Joey. "She needs you so much. With me in charge sheíd end up marrying a guy like Pacey." He snickered. "Pacey, by the way, says he knows your just doing this to get to stay out of school longer. He says to forget it, because your going to have to end up taking Physics anyway." He paused. "Oh, God. Come back to me Joey. I need you more than God does. Come back," He pleaded. "Come back to me and Lily."
"Each small step of my life,
there's a lonliness I've known,
Iíll take the road thatís right,
Even if Iím left alone.
But I know that heaven holds amazing grace,
When you push your fears aside,
And the true heart opens at itís own pace,
And I must say good-bye.
And wait for the way through the valley of my shadow of doubt,
Through the winter of my discontent,
Sometimes I feel like all my hope is lost,
Thereís only one prayer I pray,
Wait for the way,
The way, the way
The way, ohh.."
Beth Nielsen Chapman
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