Hold on
Hold on to yourself
For this is gonna hurt like hell
Hold on
Hold on to yourself
You know that only time will tell
What is it in me that refuses to believe
This isn't easier than the real thing
My love
You know that you're best friend
You know I'd do anything for you

Joey laid on her bed staring up at the ceiling thinking about her life, and Dawson in particular. Joey let out a deep breath, and let her eyes travel around the room. Joey's eyes stopped on her dresser, she should of known that's where she would be looking. Joey stood up in front of her bureau. Joey's eyes examined all her glass photos as she remembered all the good times they held. In a row were pictures of Bessie and her as kids, a family portrait of Bessie, Bodie, and Alexander, and her, a picture of Alexander after he was just born and Joey was holding him, a picture of Joey, Dawson, Pacey at age five sitting on the dock, and pictures of Joey, Pacey, and Dawson at various filming during Dawson's movies.

Sitting away from the others was a picture that always brought tears to Joey's eyes. It was a small picture of her mother. Joey' s mother resembled Joey a lot. She had the same big brown eyes, the same brown hair, and the same beautiful smile. Joey bit her lip to keep from crying as she spoke quietly to herself, "I miss you, Mom. I wish you were here right now, so you could help me. I just want to sit in your lap, you know like I use to…let you make me believe everything will be all right. It's so unfair I lost you…I need you…I need my mother." Joey let the silence fall over the room again as she realized that her prayers weren't going to be answered anytime soon.

Joey picked up some pictures, and, cradling them in her arms, she carried them to the bed. Joey sat on the bed arranging them in a special order. Joey looked at each picture closely, inscribing each into her memory. Each were pictures of just her and Dawson through the years.

The first was them at age three playing. The next was them age five, after a food fight. Joey laughed as she remembered she and Dawson got hungry, and decided to make themselves a snack. They crept softly to the kitchen, making sure that no grownups saw them. Dawson got the peanut butter and jelly while Joey found the bread and milk. Joey poured the milk for them, but ended up wearing most of it. Dawson laughed which angered Joey, so she took a handful of jelly and wiped it down the front of his shirt. Dawson's lip quivered as he got upset, he liked the clothes his mom picked out for him and Joey just ruined them. Joey laughed but soon Dawson retaliated by smearing a glob of peanut butter over Joey's cheek. Joey became infuriated, and wiped jelly into Dawson's hair. Well, next thing Mrs. Leery knows, her kitchen from top to bottom was covered in peanut butter, jelly, and other assorted snacks they found as weapons. In the middle of all the chaos was two equally messy children trying to look innocent, Dawson with jelly all over him even gave his mom his puppy dog eyes. Joey remembered how Mrs. Leery made them clean the kitchen all by themselves, and with toothbrushes no less.

Joey looked at the next picture still laughing at the image of Dawson covered in jelly from head to toe. It was of them, age seven, at their first official sleepover. Dawson begged his parents to let him sleep outside, like a real campout. Pacey and Joey had been calling him a wuss for being afraid of the dark, so Dawson wanted to prove he could sleep outside alone in the dark. Dawson's parents agreed knowing Dawson wouldn't give up until they did, he was quite headstrong. Dawson called Joey and Pacey to gloat that he wasn't a wuss and that he was going to sleep outside all night in the dark. Pacey and Joey, impressed, asked if they could come along but Dawson refused saying, "no wusses allowed." Joey and Pacey got angry and decided to scare Dawson, so they devised a plan to spook him. They waited until Mrs. and Mr. Leery went back inside before scaring the wits out of Dawson. Dawson wasn't used to be outside alone, and started to get very scared. Clutching his prized ET doll, he listened to the noises around him, trying to make himself believe everything was all right. Pacey, thinking Dawson was already afraid, draped himself in one of Joey's mother's white sheets. Joey tried not to laugh as Pacey moaned, and made eerie ghost sounds, she knew how bad Dawson was going to freak. Joey scratched on the outside of Dawson's tent, and rattled chains. Poor little Dawson sat huddled on the floor of his tent so scared that his little body was shaking, even his teeth were chattering. Dawson realized he didn't want to prove his wasn't a scaredy cat any longer, he just wanted his mom and dad. Joey continued to haunt Dawson while Pacey pranced around, enjoying pretending to be a ghost. Twirling around, Pacey tripped on the hem of the sheet, and he ended up falling flat on his face. Pacey, sprawled out on Dawson's front yard, started to scream in pain. He had landed hard to the ground. Dawson heard the noise. He was still afraid but realized that scream sounded a lot like Pacey, not a ghost. Dawson got angry, his friends were trying to scare him. Dawson smiled mischievously realizing two can play at this game. Quietly, he crept around to the side of the house while Joey tried to calm a hysterical Pacey down. Dawson laughed as he thought wickedly, "This should cool them off."

Dawson grabbed the hose, and turned on the water. Walking over to his friends, who were unaware he wasn't in his tent, said, "Hey, guys how about a little water to chase away the evil spirits?" Dawson aimed the hose at them, soaking them both. Joey started to run away with Dawson chasing after her, but Pacey still in pain just lied there on the ground. Dawson couldn't keep up with Joey, she was too fast. Finding Pacey still lying on the same position, watered his like a flower. Pacey miserable just laid there getting more and more drenched, while Joey made a break for her rowboat. Mr. and Mrs. Leery had heard the scream too, and came to investigate running straight into a wet scared Joey. Well after convincing Dawson to turn off the hose, and checking Pacey for permanent injuries, they made them go back into the house. Dawson quickly forgave Pacey and Joey, and begged his parents to let them stay. Both Joey and Pacey joined in on the begging, until finally Dawson's parents said yes. Of course there was a condition, they had to be very good, and have no more scaring or water fights. They agreed and went back inside to sleep in the tent, but after telling ghost stories they all got a little spooked. Mitch told them, "in case you guys get too scared, or want to sleep inside…I put a ladder up to Dawson's window…all you have to do is climb in."

At the time, they all three scoffed they weren't scared, but soon they all climbed the ladder. All three were still spooked and decided to watch a movie to calm their nerves, Dawson recommended ET. Settling into Dawson's room, they watched ET. Dawson had just got the special edition one for his birthday, and Joey and Pacey hadn't seen it yet. Sitting down on the floor, the three friends watched it, all of them loved it, especially Joey. Joey completely moved by the story started to cry, the guys never had seen her cry before, and teased her about it. Joey realizing she looked vulnerable started to first pummel Dawson and then Pacey. After apologies and headlocks, Joey and Pacey slept on Dawson's floor while he slept in his bed. Joey had never been away from home for the whole night before. Joey got scared when she woke up from a bad dream and noticed she wasn't in her house. Joey glanced around Dawson's room, and then at his bed. Joey would much rather have been sleeping in her bed, than on the floor. Joey wondered if Dawson's bed was as comfortable as her own, she decided to find out. Climbing in quietly as to not disturb Dawson, she laid against the pillow pulling the blanket up around her. Joey now knew, Dawson's bed was a lot softer than hers, and it felt safe being there. She felt safe with Dawson, who was really didn't seem to mind if Joey slept next to him. From that night on, Joey always climbed through Dawson's window, and slept in his bed.

Joey looked at the last two pictures. One was of them at thirteen when Joey first realized she was developing the hots for Dawson. She and him were sitting side by side on the dock, arms wrapped around each other. It was a great picture of two best friends, but there was something more since Joey was looking at Dawson, and Dawson was looking straight ahead.

The final picture was of them recently, it had been taken a week after they begun dating. Dawson had taken the picture himself, he set the tripod up and set the timer. After making it official that they were together and a couple, they each wanted a picture that symbolized the moment like they had for all the rest of their lives. Dawson sat on a bench at the ruins, and Joey sat on his lap. Dawson wrapped his arms tightly around her, and Joey leaned her head against his shoulder. Right before the timer went off, Joey reached up and brought Dawson's lips to meet hers. Joey wanted the moment to be perfect, and figured them kissing would capture their commitment to one another. Joey ran her fingers over the faces, especially Dawson's face. Joey had never been happier than that day, and knew Dawson had felt the same way. Joey couldn't hold back the tears anymore, so holding the picture to her chest, she curled up in a fetal position and cried. Joey more than anything just wanted to go back to that day, and stay there forever.

My love
Let nothing come between us
My love for you is strong and true
Am I in heaven here or am I..
At the crossroads I am standing
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day and we will praise it
And the love the light that brings to a smile across
Oh god if you're out there
Won't you hear me
I know that we've never talked before
Oh the man I love is leaving
Won't you take him when he comes to the door
Am I in heaven here or am I in hell
At the crossroads I am standing
So now you're sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
That you'll be strong tomorrow and we'll see another day and we will praise it and
Love the light that brings a smile across your face.
Hold on
Hold on to yourself

Sarah McLachlan-Hold On (don't own it)

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