Crash Test Dummies by: Katy

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Disclaimer: Let us take a brief moment to ponder the meaning of "fanfiction." Now, the suffix "fiction" refers to something which is "not true," often a made-up story. The prefix "fan" means "someone who enjoys or is an avid follower of something else." Put them together, fan, and fiction, and you get fanfiction, which means "someone who doesn't own the bloody thing, but just wants to write a story, without any legal harrassment." This concludes Disclaimer 101 for today, test on what we learned tomorrow.

Author's note: I'm so sorry it's taken me a while, but I started school last week. Speaking of school, I just went to the USC bookstore the other day to get my Psych 101 book. Before you ask, no, I'm not in college, but I am taking Psych 101 for college credit. I don't want to take the bloody thing in college, I just wanna skip straight to Abnormal Psychology. That's the cool stuff :). Might as well learn it in high school, if I'm gonna be a psychologist. Yep, I'm gonna be a shrink, hence my tendency to analyze everything. Hey, Freud was able to link everything to sex. Sounds like something Pacey would like to know.

Author's Note #2 (the notes strike back)-I can smell it coming. It's like a sixth sense. I'm gonna get flamed for this one. You'll find out why soon enough. Boy oh boy are some people gonna be pissed at me. Blame it on my love of conflict. Blame it on my use of events as metaphors for life. It's a subconscious thing (damn psych class).

Rating: PG-13. May not be suitable for some people. This is the turning point of the series. There is drinking, drugs, jealousy, sickness, back-stabbing, partying, language, revenge, auto-theft, and an accident (I won't say what, but I bet you can guess.) You have been warned.


These cars they never stop
These cars will always kill
but who dares win, the victor or the victim
around and around they go
around and around they go
O, these cars they never kill slow
I DIE .... It wasn't He it was Him.

-"Car Crash" by Ratcat

Joey brought the hot tea to Bessie, who was lying in her bed, coughing. Bessie had developed a bad cold a few days ago, and she seemed to worsen as the days went on.

Walking into Bessie's room, Joey was struck with how Bessie's appearance had deteriorated. She was pale, with little color in her skin. Her eyes were red and dry. Her head was burning and her hands were cold. She often coughed so hard she would wince in pain. Looking at Bessie, Joey felt a sharp pain in her heart. It was just like watching her mother suffer. And it didn't help that Bessie looked so much like her mother.

The phone was ringing. Handing Bessie her tea, Joey walked to the other room and answered the phone.

"Hello?" Joey said into the phone.

"Josephine!," came Jackie's voice, "I hope I haven't reached you at a bad time. Are you doing better?"

"Hey Jacqueline," Joey said, "Yes, I'm much better, how are things in L.A.?"

"Ghastly," Jackie said, "Kat has a cold, Amelia's on vacation, Dan's off God knows where and Scott's been moping about ever since he talked to that ex girlfriend of his."

"Eesh," Joey said, "that bad, huh?"

"Yeah," Jackie said, "anyways, I know you wanted to spend some time home, but some calendar people called us up and they want to make a calendar of you. You'd get the best photographers of course, and..."

Joey was only half-listening. An idea had struck her out of the blue. "I'll do it, on one condition," she said.


Valerie was giddy. Delirious. She was blowing great big chunks of happiness. Abby's plan was perfect. However did Abby come up with this stuff? She could make a career out of this.

Through the gossip mill, Abby had found out that Jen had a past. In fact, her past made Abby look like a goody-two-shoes. And Abby figured that no matter how far you distance yourself from it, you can never fully escape your past, or your past behaviors. There are always ways to, let's just say, resurrect old actions.

Of course Jen would have no knowledge of what they were doing. And by the time she did, Cliff would be all Val's and there was nothing Jen or anyone else could do about it.


Megan flinched as she heard another dish shatter. They had been fighting non-stop ever since Jen left. Megan was Jen's sister, a year older than Jen. But compared to Jen, Megan was rather plain. While Jen was, or had been at least, lusted after by half the guys in New York, Megan had never even been kissed. It wasn't fair.

Megan never really cared for Jen. Jen was the pretty one. Jen was the smart one. Jen was daddy's favorite. Jen had all the boyfriends. Jen, Jen, perfect Jen, she made Megan sick.

And Jen never had time for Megan. She was always out with one of her boyfriends or her many many friends. So Megan and Jen had never been close.

And Jen had dated Billy.

That was the most unfair part. Megan had seen Billy first. She knew him first. Billy was her age for crying out loud. But no, once he had seen Jen, he forgot about dear old Megan.

Then Jen left. And Megan thought everything would be just peachy. Dad would actually notice Megan existed, Mom would care about what Megan did, and she might even have a chance with Billy. But of course THAT didn't happen.

Dad got depressed after walking in on Jen and Billy. Megan had been too, but not for the same reason as her dad. Her dad was upset because his little girl was "corrupted." She wasn't his little girl anymore. She was a fallen angel, a broken picture. And as demented as it sounds, that made Megan happy.

So Dad sent Jen away, because his little girl couldn't handle the city. Always protecting Jen, never mind poor Megan. Never mind Megan who was hurt that Billy had slept with Jen. No no, Billy was the bad one here in her Dad's eyes.

That was when the fighting started. AFter her dad stopped blaming himself, he moved on to Megan and her mother. They had never loved her enough. They never paid attention to her. It was them she was rebelling against. Never once did he blame Jen, oh no, it wasn't Jen's fault.

Mom was hurt because even though her and Jen had never been tight, Jen was still preferred over Megan. Megan just blended in.

Of course all of Jen's friends were pissed that she was sent away. It was totally unfair to Jen, poor Jen. And maybe Megan had pushed for her to get sent away. You know, Megan never did like Jen. So the blame was passed to Megan again.

And then there was Billy. Poor Billy Boyfriend.Lost his little Jen. But instead of moving on to Megan, he was obsessed with Jen. Wanted her back. Would try anything to get her. So he went off to Capeside to win her back. But oh no, Jen had some other boyfriend, of course, so Billy was alone again. Billy hadn't even looked at Megan.

Growling to herself, Megan silently cursed Jen. And as the screaming in the other room grew louder, Megan vowed that Jen would pay for this.


"It's a great idea, Jo!" Dawson said, "I'm honored, I am."

Dawson was referring to the "on one condition" part of Joey's agreement with Jacqueline. Joey would do the calendar...if Dawson got to plan out the shots. Dawson would script the set, the way she looked. It wasn't Spielberg, but it was Hollywood, Joey, and out of Capeside. So naturally Dawson was thrilled.

Joey could see the wheels turning in Dawson's head. He was already planning this out. And knowing Dawson, this wouldn't be your ordinary beach-shot-pissed-off-modeal-in-too-much-makeup-in-three-inches-of-cloth shot. God, he'd probably find some way to incorporate Spielberg. Heaven help us all.


Jen was walking home from school when Cliff pulled up beside her in his jeep. "Hey gorgeous, need a lift?" he said coyly.

Jen laughed. "Sure, why not," she said, hopping in.

"Did you hear about the party at Warren's tonight?" Cliff said, "I think we should go. I mean, I don't like all of his friends, but a party's a party. It should be fun."

"Where'd you hear about this?" Jen asked curiously.

Cliff laughed. "Abby," he said, "of all people. I didn't even think she liked me. I was the goody goody jock. Apparently now I'm important."

Jen laughed. "Abby's always got her reasons. I wonder what it is."

Cliff faked being hurt. "What, I'm not cool enough to hang with Abby and her group?" he said.

Jen laughed. "You're too cool to hang with Abby and her group."

"Doesn't your friend Kathleen hang with them too?" Cliff asked.

Jen shrugged. "Who knows. I barely know her. She never said much, just kept quiet. She's still quiet, only because she's busy giving Pacey tongue."

Cliff laughed. "Knowing Pacey," he said, "he's not complaining. Hell, if I were him, I wouldn't either. Kathleen's a babe."

Jen laughed and elbowed Cliff. "Just remember your eyes are mine," she said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.


Megan tossed the last of her clothes into her bag. Enough was enough. She couldn't live in this house anymore. Mom was at work and Dad was asleep. Perfect time to go.

Walking to the cash jug, Megan reached in and pulled out all of the money. Around seven hundred bucks. Not bad. Combined with the money Megan had in her bank account, that was about fifteen hundred. Enough to get to Capeside, pay back Jen, and then go start a new life. But first she needed transportation. A bus was out of the question. She refused to ride all that way next to a smelly old woman named Hilda who reeked of cheap perfume and cigarettes.

Megan frowned for a moment, then smiled. She knew exactly where to get some wheels.


Megan opened the apartment door carefully. "Billy?" she called, "you here?" No reply, only laughter in the other room.

Walking in there, Megan saw Billy, in his boxers, on the sofa watching TV. He was unshaven, his hair was rumpled, but still sexy.

Megan sniffed. Alcohol, smoke, and marijuana. Yep, Billy was wasted. Blown out of his mind. All the easier.

"Billy," she said, grabbing his car keys off his desk, "I'm stealing your car to go to Capeside."

"Kay," Billy said, not taking his eyes off the TV, "Don't scratch it."

Megan shook her head and walked out the door. Billy was definately bombed. Boy was he gonna get a surprise when the buzz was killed and his car was gone. Megan was almost tempted to stay just to watch his face. But she had more important stuff.


Pacey knocked on Joey's door. Him, Dawson, and Kathleen were supposed to meet at her house to go to Warren's party.

Joey opened the door. As pretty as she was, she looked like hell. Her hair was messy and pulled back into a bun, her eyes were bloodshot and red, and her clothing was rumpled.

"Heroin chic?" Pacey said, teasing her, "I know you're a model, but lose the anorexic Calvin Klein model from Hell look." Then Pacey noticed the tears in her eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Bessie," she said, sniffing, "she's in the hospital. She fainted today and Bodie took her over. She just has to be ok, I can't lose anyone else."

Pacey hugged Joey. "She'll be fine," he said, stroking her hair, "it's probably the flu. It's been going around."

Joey sniffed and hugged Pacey tighter. "I hope so," she said, "but I'm not going to the party tonight. I have to make sure."

"I understand," Pacey said, still hugging her.


Kathleen was pissed. She had always suspected that Pacey sort of liked Joey, and now she knew. Kathleen was a few feet away, staring at Pacey and Joey embracing. He was stroking Joey's hair. JOEY'S hair. Not Kathleen's.

Kathleen took another swig of the bottle Abby had given her and smoothed her short skirt. She needed a drink. Time to face them.

Kathleen stormed over. "Don't you have a boyfriend of your own, Joey?" she said angrily, "or do you just need another one, besides Dawson and that Scott guy."

Kathleen focused on Joey. It might be the alcohol in her system, but Joey looked like Hell. Then again Pacey had two heads, so it must be the booze.

"We weren't doing anything, Kathleen," Pacey said, "I was consoling her."

Kathleen snorted. "Is that what they call groping these days?" she said.

"What's with you, Kathleen?" Pacey asked, "you've been different. You dress different, I preferred your longer dresses, you've become an even bigger make-out artist than Abby, you're hanging with Abby, and oh my god, are you drunk?"

Kathleen staggered. "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. But I'm thinking clearly now. You never gave a damn about me. I was another conquest to replace Joey. I know what you were thinking. Abby filled me in on all the details."

"Abby's full of sh*t," Pacey said, "the girl's done enough ecstasy to kill a small horse. I can't believe you hang with her."

"I can't believe you hang with her," Kathleen mimicked, "Save it Pacey, I'm going to party and get even drunker. I need it."

Storming off, Kathleen headed to where Pacey had left his dad's hotwired car running. Jumping in, she drove off, just as Pacey and Joey ran to stop her. But she was gone.

"She's drunk, she's driving," Joey said, "call her grandfather and the cops before she kills herself."


Jen sat walked over to the refreshments table at Warren's house with Cliff. The party was in full gear, and Jen and Cliff had already been dancing for half an hour. They were thirsty.

Cliff poured two drinks and set them on the table. As Jen was reaching for hers, someone called out her and Cliff's name. It was Abby.

"Hi hi," Abby said, walking up, "I'm glad ya'll could make it. Are you enjoying yourselves?"

"Yeah Abby, thanks," Jen said. Abby was being nice. Never a good sign.

"Oh good," Abby said, "listen, I just thought I would say hey. I must go mingle, ta ta."

Jen could have sworn she saw Abby look over Jen's shoulder and nod to somone, but she decided it was just her imagination. And had Jen or Cliff turned around a second earlier, they would have seen Valerie's hand withdrawing a half-empty vodka bottle from Jen's drink.

Valerie walzed over to Abby. "It's in," she said, "and since drinking apparently brings out the worst in Jen, hopefully Cliff will see it, dump her and turn to me. The plan is foolproof, Abby."

But Abby was looking at something else. "I wouldn't be so sure," she said. Valerie turned, to where Cliff had just picked up Jen's drink by mistake.


Dawson was shocked. His parent just sprung this on him? This wasn't fair. And right before he was going out with Joey too.

Oh they had said they were sorry they were splitting up, tha t it was no one's fault, but that didn't matter. The perfect couple broke up. If they couldn't stay together, what hope was there for anyone else?

Dawson didn't feel up to going out tonight. Dialing Joey's number, he decided it was time to cancel the plans.


Joey, Pacey and old man Ethan all sat in Ethan's house, waiting for the phone to ring for someone to say Kathleen was ok, and was coming home. They waited and waited for two hours.

All in all it was a crappy night. Bessie was at the hospital, Dawson's parents split up, Valerie had stayed in the shadows (never a good sign), Cliff and Jen were unreachable, and Kathleen was off drunk-driving somewhere.

After an eternity, the phone rang. The three of them looked at each other, no one wanting to answer.


Cliff took a sip of the drink and winced. "Smell this," he said to Jen. Jen bent over and smelled it.

Wrinkling her nose, she said, "vodka. A lot of it. I'd know it anywhere."

Valerie rushed up. "Don't drink it Cliff," she said, "it's spiked, wasn't meant for you."

Cliff and Jen stared at her. Then in sunk in. "So it was for me?" Jen asked angrily, "you were trying to get me drunk?"

Valerie made an "oops" face. "Uh, I mean," she said.

Cliff was pissed. "I can't believe you Val," he said, "I thought you had changed. You're still the same heartless bitch you were before you left. I hoped you had changed but no. You just can't stand not being the desired one. So you have to get attention. Well you did it. You made a fool of yourself. I hate you Val, just stay away from us."

Grabbing Jen's hand, Cliff said," let's go," and pulled Jen away, leaving a stunned Valerie behind.


"Hello?" Pacey said into the phone, "yes. Uh huh. Oh god." Pacey's face went pale. Dropping the phone, he turned to Joey and Old Man Ethan, tears already in his eyes. "There was an accident," he said, "Kathleen...she didn't make it."


To Be Continued in
"No More 'I Love You's"

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