Disclaimer: Let's get ready to rummmblllee!...Okay never mind, still having aftershocks of that Dawson's Creek RPG. Anyway, don't own DC, wish I did, and if I ever go off the deep end (and I'm teetering on it) I warn you, I may kidnap Joshua Jackson and/or James Van Der Beek to keep for my own uses. You know, just a warning. Nothing to be scared of...yet...MWA HA HA! (It's a joke people!) :)
Author's Note: My movie freaked mind is probably very prevalent in this little anecdote that I desire to expound on the patient ears of the readers...Whoa, big words, I ODed on DC I guess (he he, couldn't say that with a straight face :D) Anyway, this is just a little parody, not meant to offend anyone. I love all the characters of DC (except maybe Nellie, who's voice gets on my nerves) and I adore Peter Pan. I'm a kid at heart and I still watch Disney movies, so sue me. I once made a Tinkerbell costume and wore it to Kindergarten, but that's another story. Oh yeah, and since the last fairy tale meets DC story I wrote was Pacey/Joey, this one's Joey/Dawson, to pacify my schoolmate Miriam, who is a major D/J fan and tried to kill me after the last one. On with the countdown!..err...story.
The Cast Of "Peter Pan Syndrome"
Jendy Darling-The little girl lost sort of deal. Well-meaning, likes Dawson Pan, and is sort of the outsider.
Joeybell-Pan's best friend who secretly has feelings for him. Immediately dislikes Jendy because Dawson Pan is fascinated by her.
Dawson Pan-Not your typical sword-fighting, tights-wearing, rooster-crowing fly guy. No no, This Pan is an idealistic dreamer who brings Jendy to Spielberg-Spielberg Land (Ever heard of Dollywood? No? OK, never mind then.) so that he'll never lose her.
The Pace Boys-Ever wished they would clone Pacey just so there would be more of him to go around? You've got your wish! That's right folks, the sidekick of DC magically becomes MANY sidekicks. Almost too good to be true, huh?
Captain Doug-So maybe we haven't given him a chance. Too bad, he was mean to Pacey, he must suffer! What's his motive? Wait and find out!
Mr. Gold-I have nothing against Mr. Gold. In fact he's cool as most TV teachers go. But I need a Smee, and who better than the nice guy Gold to play the nice guy Smee?
The Croc-Beneath the depths of the water lies the most dreaded beast of all...The horrifying...terrifying...bite-your-nails scary..ABBYDILE! YES! YOU HEARD ME! ABBYDILE! Don't recall Abby? Let me stir your memory. The school gossip from "The Breakfast Club" episode? Ring a bell? Now, you may ask, why is Abby after dear old Dougie as opposed to Pacey, Dawson, or a jock who refuses her? Simple, Dougie busted her little ecstasy gang bangs in the locker room. That's gotta piss her off.
Now that you've met the cast, on with the show!
"Even Spielberg outgrew his Peter Pan Syndrome."
Jendy Darling slammed the door to her room. She loved her Grams, but sometimes she got so frustrating. She was on her case about the church thing again. A nasty fight ensued, with Grams telling her that it was time for Jendy to grow up.
It was times like this that Jendy felt all alone. Like there was no one she could relate to. It was like she grew up too fast and now she needed a way to be a kid again.
If only for a little while.
Dawson Pan sat in the tree, watching the pretty blond girl stare out the window. He often came to watch her, just to watch her. She seemed so sad all of the time, like she didn't have a friend in the world.
Joeybell grumbled as she flittered around. Joeybell and Dawson Pan had been best friends for practically forever. She had her own little spot near his bed back in Spielberg-Spielberg Land-the place where you never grew up. It was the perfect place for someone like Dawson Pan, but Joeybell was often out of place. For as long as she remembered she had been one of the boys. When she wasn't verbally sparring with the Pace Boys, Dawson Pan's many sidekicks, she was with Dawson Pan on one of his little adventures.
Joeybell had been the only girl Dawson was ever really exposed to...until now. Now he would come all the way to Capeside to stare at the little Barbie doll with the sad eyes. Glaring at Jendy, who had unknowingly grasped possession of her friend Dawson Pan, Joeybell mumbled, 'She must be stopped.'
Dawson Pan either didn't hear Joeybell or chose to ignore her. He was too busy watching Jendy. As he saw Jendy begin to cry, he made his decision. He was taking Jendy back to Spielberg-Spielberg Land.
Jendy was so busy crying that she almost didn't hear the tapping at her window. When it finally registered in her head, she looked up and found herself face to face with a handsome blond-haired boy and a little fairy with dark hair.
"Let me in," the boy was mouthing, but Jendy wasn't sure what to think. Boys had gotten her in trouble before, why should this one be any different. Still-there was something about his eyes, something that made her want to trust him. Reaching over, she flipped the latch and in came Dawson Pan.
"Jendy," he said, "I'm Dawson Pan....and this is Joeybell, my best friend." Jendy smiled at Joeybell, but Joeybell merely glared at Jendy and moved closer to Dawson Pan.
"So what brings you here, Dawson Pan?," Jendy asked, looking at him curiously.
"Well I couldn't help but overhear you some nights when you talk to the night sky and think no one hears you. So I took it upon myself to bring you back to Spielberg-Spielberg Land, where you'll never have to grow up.
Joeybell's eyes went wide and she said something, obviously very upset. Try as she might, Jendy couldn't decipher Joeybell's fairy talk, which may have been a good thing, because from the look Dawson Pan gave Joeybell, it probably wasn't very nice.
"And why would I go?," Jendy asked, still not sure what to think of these two. I mean, what would you think if a boy and his fairy sidekick flew into your bedroom window in the middle of the night?
"Sense of adventure," Dawson Pan said, smiling in a way that put Jendy at ease, "sense of curiousity...sense of romance.
Joeybell grumbled to herself, but Jendy smiled at Dawson Pan. "Sure," she said, "Why not. I've got nothing else to lose."
"Great!," Dawson Pan said, beaming, "we just have to teach you how to fly. Now let's see, what was the secret for that again..." Joeybell suddenly looked nervous, so she slowly flew backwards.
"Ok...you think about your favorite Spielberg movie..." Dawson Pan said, thinking, "and...oh yeah! Almost forgot. A little bit of cynic dust." He turned to get Joeybell, but she suddenly took off. A chase ensued, with Dawson Pan catching her in the end.
Dawson Pan carried Joeybell, who was kicking and screaming as best she could, over to Jendy. Shaking her slightly, some of the 'cynic dust' spilled onto Jendy. Jendy closed her eyes and started thinking about "The Color Purple," her favorite Spielberg film. Before she knew it, she was flying! Weee!
Dawson Pan smiled and took Jendy's hand. "This way to Spielberg-Spielberg Land," he said, pulling her after him.
Joeybell lagged behind, thinking up ways to get the message to Jendy that as far as Joeybell was concerned, Jendy was persona non grata (For those not fluent in Latin, that means "A person who is not welcome")
The Pace Boys snuck down to the pier in Spielberg-Spielberg Land, where Captain Doug's ship was anchored. Climbing in through one of the portholes, they snuck over to his CD collection. Snickering as they flipped through the copies of musicals and Bette Midler, they came to Cap'n Doug's beloved Streisand collection. Grabbing them all, the made a break for the port, but not before they were spotted by Mr. Gold, who had just walked in to get the "Funny Girl" CD.
"Cap'n Doug! Cap'n Doug!" Mr. Gold yelled, rushing back to the deck, where Cap'n Doug-in full Village People garb-stood waiting for his Streisand fix. "I just saw the Pace Boys!," he yelled, "and they stole your Streisand collection!"
"WHAT?!" Doug yelled, dropping his latte, "I'll bet Dawson Pan is behind this! He will pay for this!"
Captain Doug suddenly grew fearful as he heard that infernal noise...that noise that haunted him at night. "Blah-Blah, Gab-Gab, Talk-Talk" came the sound of the evil...malevolent...gossipy...ABBYDILE! NOOOOO!
Abbydile had been after Captain Doug ever since his busted one of her little ecstasy gang bangs, and had since vowed to bite off his ears-a heinous torture, because Dougie would never be able to listen to his Streisand again! *gasp!* The Horror!
Screaming like a banshee, Dougie made a break for his room, just as the Abbydile made a bite at him with her powerful jaws-strengthened by years of gossiping and talking. Curses, foiled again. Abbydile would just have to get him next time. Oh well. "Blah-Blah, Gab-Gab, Talk-Talk"
Joeybell sped up ahead of Dawson Pan and Jendy and reached the secret cove first. Rousing all the Pace Boys, she announced that an evil Jendy-bird was flying in and Dawson Pan had ordered them to kill it. 'This will get rid of her,' Joeybell thought.
The Pace Boys gathered all of their weapons-bad puns, jokes, and cheap shots-to fire at the Jendy-bird. But the second she came inside, the hormones got raging inside of them and they realized, "This is no bird...WHOA NELLIE! (And she's not even in this) IT'S A GIRL!" Joeybell should have known that a teenage guy (especially Pacey) can recognize a pretty girl a mile away. So to make a long story short, the Pace Boys didn't shoot down Jendy, instead they hit on her, which upset Dawson Pan some. Eventually the Pace Boys mentioned what Joeybell had told them, and an angry Dawson Pan stormed over to Joeybell's hide-a-way.
"What are you trying to pull, Joeybell?", Dawson Pan asked. Joeybell retorted something in fairy talk that loosely translates to, I believe "ever since you saw the living Barbie Doll, you haven't been paying any attention to me!" It could have been different, I'm not fluent in pixie talk. But Dawson Pan was still upset, so he told Joeybell that she was exiled...for the day. So Joeybell, hurt and upset, flew off, leaving behind Jendy-who felt like it was her fault- and Dawson Pan-who felt like an ingrate for blowing up at his best friend. Of course the Pace Boys didn't really mind-she was only gone for a day. Besides, now she couldn't protect her jellybean stash, Mwa ha ha!
Joeybell didn't get far, before she was intercepted by Captain Doug, who sweettalked her into giving up the location to the secret cove. When she realized that she had accidentely given it away, Joeybell was horrified, and she tried to rectify the situation, but to no avail. The Cap'n stashed her away so she wouldn't escape to notify Dawson Pan or the Pace Boys.
Jendy was hanging around the cove that night, turning down advances from the Pace Boys, when someone grabbed her and gagged her. One by one, the Pace Boys were also nabbed until all that remained was Dawson Pan-and a little gift left behind by Captain Doug. When everything was complete, Captain Doug and his Village People clones secretly carted off Jendy and the Pace Boys.
Meanwhile, Joeybell, using her killer punch, was able to break the glass of her little case and escape. She had overheard about Captain Doug's little plan. All she could do was hope she wasn't too late.
Dawson Pan wandered around the cove, looking for anyone. No one around...eerie...
Suddenly Dawson Pan came across a little gift box with a note on it. Picking up the note, he saw that it read:
Dear Dawson Pan,
I took the Pace Boys out on a little adventure.
You were sleeping so peacefully that we didn't want
to bother you. Anyways, here's a little gift to show my
appreciation for everything. DON'T open it until 6:00.
Dawson Pan smiled. It was a nice gesture. Looking at the clock he saw that it was 5:55. Only a few more minutes.
Suddenly Joeybell flew in. "Jo!" Dawson Pan said, happy to have his friend back, "Look what Jendy left me." He showed her the box.
Joeybell made furious hand gestures. "What?" Dawson Pan said, "a trap? Jo, I never pictured you as the jealous type, but this is crazy, why would Jendy want to hurt me?"
Joeybell tried to tell him that it wasn't Jendy, but Dawson Pan just said, "I'm not listening to you Jo." Looking at the clock, he saw that it was 5:59. "I guess I can open it now," he said. As he started to open it, Joeybell flew forward and grabbed the box, flying away.
"Hey!" he yelled as she flew otu the window. All of a sudden he heard the most hideous noise he had ever heard. NELLIE'S VOICE!! Oh God..It WAS a trap!
Running outside, Dawson Pan shut off the tape of Nellie's voice singing a bad rendition of "My Heart Will Go On." It was too late, Joeybell was lying on the ground, her little eyes closed.
Dawson Pan picked up Joeybell's limp body. "Oh, God, Jo!," he said. And then, turning to the invisible audience (that's you, people, so listen up) he said "Please, Jo's only hope is for you to clap and say "I believe in E.T. Come on now. Please? For Jo's sake?" (Come on people, answer the boy's wish. Clap! Hey! You with the brown hair! I see you, clap! Oh come on, no one's looking....Fine then meanie :P)
While not all of you clapped (ahem. yeah, I know who you are. I'd sleep with the lights on if I were you, tonight. Not that I'm hinting anything), enough of you did to make Joeybell survive. So Joeybell revived and was her sarcastic self again, ready to go kick some Dougie butt.
Dawson Pan was thrilled to have his best friend back again. "Joeybell!" he said, "I thought I had lost you! Oh God, what would I have done without you..I..I love you Jo." Leaning over, he kissed her, which had to be awkward, him being normal size, her being a pixie. But then again, I'll bet she didn't care.
Meanwhile, in Village People headquarters (That's Dougie's boat, for those of you who haven't been paying attention), Jendy and the Pace Boys had been tied up and were being forced to listen to bad musical CDs. "Now, will you tell me what you did with my Barbara CDs?" Doug asked.
"NEVER!" cried the Pace Boys, "Your reign of terror is over! The island will no longer be tortured by the sound of Striesand! AHHHH!" they cried, as the Cap'n turned up the volume.
All of a sudden, Joeybell and Dawson Pan burst into the scene. "Dawson Pan!" cried Captain Doug, "it is you! Prepare to meet my wrath! Striesand will be avenged!" he cried.
"Striesand sucks," Dawson Pan said, causing the Captain to shriek and lunge towards Dawson Pan. But Dawson quickly stepped aside and Dougie went down into the water...WHERE HE MET ABBYDILE! MWA HA HA!!!!!!!
"Well thank god he's gone," Mr. Gold said, "I was going to tear my ears off if I had to listen to that damn Titanic song one more time. Thank you Dawson Pan!"
So Mr. Gold was freed and the Pace Boys and Jendy were untied. After her ordeal, Jendy decided things were safer back in Capeside, where she only had to deal with hormonally-crazed teenage boys and the walking Bible, Grams.
So to make a long story a bit shorter, Jendy went home, Dawson Pan and Joeybell hooked up, the Pace Boys started hitting on the mermaids down in the cove, and Dougie? Well let's just say that Abbydile doesn't have to worry about getting busted anymore.
The End! (finally)
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