banner by Chelsea
Wherever You Will Go by: Kelli
Wherever You Will Go by: Kelli
Joey raced down the long hospital corridor, her footsteps echoing loudly throughout the otherwise silent and empty hallway. She was on her way to see Pacey, who was transferred from the hospital in Hartford, Connecticut back to Capeside Memorial just a few days ago, as soon as he was well enough to travel. It had been two weeks since their ordeal, and Joey was still staying at the B&B. She recovered from her minor injuries quickly, and was released from the hospital the day after Pacey woke up. However, she didn’t leave and go back to New York. She made a promise to stay with Pacey, and she intended to keep it. She had a few weeks of vacation time that her boss had been after her to use for months, so she decided to take advantage of it. Besides, after what they went through, she desperately needed the time off.
She was running late. She promised Pacey she would be there at seven and that was a half an hour ago. Visiting hours were only until eight, so she wouldn’t get to spend that much time with him.
At least I get to spend time with him, she thought.
It didn’t matter to Joey if her visit with Pacey lasted thirty minutes or thirty seconds, just as long as she could be with him. Ever since the accident, she valued every second she was fortunate enough to have with him. As far as she was concerned, she was a very lucky woman because she’d been given a second chance. Her prayers were answered; Pacey came back to her. He was alive, and his condition was improving a little bit more each day.
Pacey’s health wasn’t the only thing that was getting stronger everyday. So were Pacey and Joey. The accident served to reinforce the ever-present and unyielding bond that always existed between them. Their harrowing experience could be added to the long line of disasters they already survived, and this one had the same affect on their relationship as all the others did. It brought them closer together. More importantly, it made Joey realize where her heart belonged, or rather who it belonged to.
She was in love with Pacey, and her heart was his. It always had been. That was never going to change. What did change was Joey’s acceptance of that love. She was in denial of it prior to the accident, but not anymore. She told him once that she ‘didn’t feel it.’ That was a blatant and total fabrication. Her love for him was so great that it consumed her, starting with the tips of her toes and working its way throughout her body until there wasn’t an area within her where she couldn’t feel it. It was always there, she just wouldn’t allow herself to accept it. Her ‘good friend’ fear always got in the way.
‘Well, I’ve bid a fond farewell to my old pal. I refuse to be afraid anymore.’
And she wasn’t. Conquering her fears was actually pretty easy once she was faced with the possibility of losing Pacey; the hard part was going to be telling Pacey all of this. She thought she got that over with right after the accident when she finally confessed her love to him. Unfortunately, Pacey’s memory of that time was sketchy at best. He knew she was with him the whole time, but couldn’t recall most of their conversation. The only thing that stuck out in his mind was the promise he made not to leave her. Everything else was a blur.
He couldn’t remember her declaration of love, but that didn’t matter. He would know soon enough. She made up her mind that she was going to tell him everything tonight. She just had to get to him first.
She looked down at the book she carried in her hands that was the cause of her tardiness…
Selected Poems of Elizabeth Barrett Browning
It was a collection of work by the author of ‘their’ poem, How Do I Love Thee. Joey wanted to give Pacey something of meaning to show him he was the only one in her heart and couldn’t think of anything better than this. It was that poem after all that brought Pacey back to her. Joey truly felt the dream she had while unconscious after the accident was a sign. She believed that someone or something wanted her to revisit that particular event in their history to remind her of the love poem Pacey recited to her all those years ago. From that vision, she got the key to unlock his sleeping soul, and the powerful words from that beautiful verse opened the door and led Pacey back to her. Now, this book of poems would be a symbol of her return to him as well, even if her stop at the bookstore to buy it kept her from arriving at her planned reunion of hearts on time. She knew it didn’t matter when she got there anyway; Pacey would be waiting for her. He promised never to leave her, and Joey trusted him completely not to break that promise.
Joey quickened her pace, her heart racing wildly in giddy anticipation with each step she took that brought her closer to the man she loved and wanted to be with for the rest of her life. She was almost there. Just a few more feet and she would be at room 405…the room where the love of her life was recuperating…the room where she intended to revive their love. She could see the door now. She broke into a run, unable to contain her excitement any longer. With just a few long strides she reached the entrance to Pacey’s room and burst through the door.
“Pace,” she panted, as she tried to catch her breath, “I’m sorry I’m lat-…”
Joey stopped in mid-sentence and stared at the empty bed before her.
Where is Pacey?
Maybe he was in the bathroom or something.
“Pacey,” she called out as she turned in the direction of the bathroom. She didn’t hear anything, but she decided to check anyway. She walked to the door and knocked lightly. “Pace, are you in there?”
When no one answered, she gently pushed the door open and peeked inside. The bathroom was dark and empty. Pacey wasn’t in there either.
She sighed and walked slowly back to Pacey’s bed…his bed that was neatly made as if no one had been in it all day…
He was probably with the physical therapist, or off getting another test done. She would just sit and wait until Pacey came back.
Joey sat down on the edge of the bed and clutched the book tightly to her chest. She tried to ignore the nagging feeling of panic that was forming in the pit of her stomach. She crossed her legs and tried to relax. She glanced at her watch. It was almost quarter to eight and visiting hours would be over soon…
Where is he?
Joey uncrossed her legs and laid the book down beside her on the bed. She chewed on her bottom lip and began wringing her hands nervously. She absentmindedly rocked back and forth as her mind filled with other possible ways to explain Pacey’s absence.
‘Joey, stop fidgeting!’ She scolded herself as she laced her fingers together and placed her hands in her lap. Pacey will be here any minute now…
Yep, any minute now…
Five more minutes passed, and there was still no sign of Pacey. Joey sighed, picked up the book, and jumped up from the bed. She just simply couldn’t sit there anymore. She had to find out where he was. She needed to see his face. She needed to touch him.
She crossed the room and walked out into the hallway, heading for the nurses’ station. She spotted Brenda, one of the nurses she’d gotten to know pretty well since she was always here with Pacey.
“Hey, Brenda.” Joey smiled at the woman as she leaned against the counter and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I was wondering if you could tell me where Pacey is?”
Brenda looked up from the chart she was writing in at the sound of Joey’s voice. As soon as she saw Joey, the look of intense concentration on the kind woman’s face changed to one of apprehension.
Why is she looking at me like that?
“Um, hello, Joey.” Brenda stood to greet her. “Did you just ask me where Pacey is?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “I was just in his room, and he isn’t there. Could you tell me where he is? I was hoping to see him before visiting hours were over.”
“Joey,” Brenda began, then hesitated as she caught Joey’s eye. Was that a look of sympathy that just flashed through them? Brenda approached Joey slowly and stood across the counter from her. She reached for Joey’s hand and smiled sadly, which only caused the feeling of dread in her stomach to increase.
What’s wrong with her? Why won’t she just tell me where Pacey is?
“Look, Brenda,” Joey sighed impatiently. “I don’t mean to be rude, but could you just tell me where I can find Pacey because I really need to talk…”
“He’s not here, Joey.” She heard a voice from behind her say. It was Doug.
“Well, then where is he, Doug?” she said as she whirled around to face him, her patience wearing really thin by now.
Her heart, which was skipping frantically at just the thought of seeing Pacey only a few minutes ago, suddenly came to a skidding halt when she saw the grave look on Doug’s face. He stood before her, his shoulder’s sagging and his head slightly bowed, avoiding her eyes. There was a moment of silent tension between them in which a million reasons to explain Pacey’s disappearance ran through Joey’s mind, with one thought dominating them all…
He’s not here because he made such a miraculous recovery that they sent him home…
It’s not true; he’s still alive.
He’s not here because they let him actually go to the cafeteria to eat rather than stay in his room…
It’s not true; he’s still alive.
Pacey loves children, and he’s so good with them. He must be down in the Pediatric Ward cheering up the sick kids…
It’s not true; he’s still alive.
He’s in the lounge playing video games, that goofball; he’ll never grow up…
It’s not true; he’s still alive.
He’s really here. He’s just hiding from me because he wants to play a joke on me. That’s Pacey for you; he always has to be the clown…
It’s not true; he’s still alive.
Doug lifted his head slowly then, as if it took all the energy he had just to do that one thing, and his red-rimmed and bloodshot eyes met hers. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and simply shook his head at her. He was unable to say the words, but his demeanor and actions spoke volumes. Joey got his message…
It was true; Pacey was…
“No,” she said softly as she firmly shook her head back and forth to Doug in defiance. “No.” Her protest was a little louder now.
Doug started silently towards her in an attempt to comfort her.
“No!” She was yelling now, thinking that her louder shouts of denial could somehow reverse the awful event that she couldn’t even bring herself to acknowledge. Doug reached out to her, but she backed away from him, her lower lip trembling as she tried to hold her head high. “No, Doug!” she screamed. “NO!”
She would not believe it. She couldn’t believe it because it wasn’t true. Pacey was okay. He was fine yesterday when she saw him. He was laughing and smiling that gorgeous smile of his at her. He was so full of life that there was no way this could be true.
“It’s not true, Doug!”
Doug tried one last time to grab her hand and pull her into a hug, but she pushed him away.
“No! Stay away from me!” She continued to walk backwards away from Doug. “You’re lying to me! You’re lying and I don’t believe you!” She stumbled as she backed into the nurses’ station. “It’s not true!” She regained her balance and looked Doug in the eyes. “It’s not true,” she whispered one last time before she turned quickly and ran from him.
She could hear Doug calling after her, but she ignored him as she flew down the hall and headed for the stairs. She couldn’t wait for the elevator. She needed to get out of there. She had to get away from Doug and the look on his face that killed all the hope in her heart and took all the light from her life.
She shoved through the doors to the stairwell and blindly bolted down the steps, the warm salty liquid filling her eyes blurred her vision. She somehow managed to stumble down all four flights and reach the exit. She escaped outside into the warm spring air; however, she couldn’t escape the voices that were screaming in her head, taunting her that the man she loved was gone.
Well, she refused to listen to them.
She took off again, running as fast as she could, but the menacing shouts were relentless and stayed right with her, nipping at her heels and crashing into her mind…
Pacey is gone. Pacey is gone. Pacey is gone. Pacey is gone…
That simple solitary sentence seemed to beat down on her with every step she took. She tore through the parking lot and reached Bessie’s red Ford Taurus, digging frantically through the pocket of her jean jacket for her keys. She snatched them up and jammed them into the lock. She opened the door and flung herself into the car, pulling the door shut with a bang.
Everything was suddenly quiet as if the voices had relented their vicious pursuit. She was safe inside the car now. What was she carrying in her hand? She looked down then and realized she was still clutching the Elizabeth Barrett Browning book.
That was it!
All she had to do was read that poem, and everything would be alright. It brought Pacey back to her before, so it will bring him back again.
She flipped open the book, leafing desperately through the pages until she came to the forty-third sonnet from Sonnets from the Portuguese.
She cleared her throat, which had become dry and thick with emotion and then began to read their beloved poem out loud, with only the moonlight streaming in through the windshield as her reading lamp.
“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth…”
An unimpressed listener cut Joey’s encore performance short.
It’s not going to work. He’s still gone. Pacey is gone. Pacey is gone…
Damn! They were still there!
Joey slammed the book shut and threw it on the seat beside her. She put her face in her hands and rubbed her eyes, sliding her hands up her forehead and through her hair. The voices persisted. She put her hands over her ears to try and block them out, but it was no use. They were not going away.
Pacey is gone. Pacey is gone. Pacey is gone…
“Shut up!” she screamed. “Just shut up!” She screamed again as she pounded her fists on the steering wheel.
”Okay, Joey,” she told herself. “Just calm down. You’re losing it.’
She held her trembling hands in front of her and tried to steady them. She paused a moment as she thought of what she should do next. She had to go find him so that she could prove to Doug it wasn’t true. That’s what she had to do!
And she knew just where to look. She thrust the key into the ignition and turned it on. The engine roared to life and Joey put the Taurus in reverse. She backed out and then sped out of the parking lot.
Of course the nagging voices followed.
You’re not going to find him because he’s gone. Pacey’s gone…
Joey needed to find a way to escape the voices. She reached out and pushed the button on the car stereo and the radio came crackling to life. Joey instinctively turned up the volume as loud as it would go in an attempt to drown out her merciless pursuers. It was then that the familiar song overtook her ears…
If I could, then I would
I’ll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low,
I’ll go wherever you will go…
“IF I COULD, THEN I WOULD. I’LL GO WHEREVER YOU WILL GO!” Pacey practically screamed in her ear, causing the little men that were already pounding away in her head to work even harder.
“Pacey,” she groaned as she covered her ears to shut out his horrendous serenade. “Why do you feel the need to shout that song at me?” She rolled over onto her stomach and buried her face in the carpet. “Especially now when I have a headache,” she mumbled.
Pacey, who was lying beside her on the floor of his living room, turned his head to the side and grinned at her. “And why do you have a headache, Jo?”
“I know, I know.” She rolled sluggishly onto her side to face him, rubbing her temples. “Spare me the lecture, Pace. My throbbing head has already reminded me more than once today of the evils of alcohol.”
Pacey’s smile softened into one of sympathy for his obviously hung-over girlfriend. “Do you want me to get you some aspirin?” His eyes were filled with loving concern as he reached out and gently stroked her cheek.
She shut her eyes and sighed at his touch. “I already took some, and it didn’t help.”
“I have an idea.” He sat up and leaned against the couch. “Come here, Jo.”
“I can’t move, Pacey,” she whined.
“Oh, Potter, quit being a baby and get over here,” he ordered. “And remind me to never let you drink again. The aftermath of your actions is not what I would call joy abounding. Your constant whining is cramping my style.”
“Hey!” She bolted upright and glared at him.
“I knew that would get you up.” He smirked.
“Asshole,” she muttered under her breath as she crawled to him.
“What was that sunshine?” He asked, his voice dripping with sweetness and sarcasm.
“Nothing, dear,” she replied with just as much sarcastic sugar as he did.
“That’s what I thought. Now come here and let me make you feel better.” She obeyed, and he pulled her to him, setting her in between his legs and guiding her down to lean back against his chest. She melted easily into him, the comforting warmth she felt from being this close to him already easing the pain in her head.
He leaned down and whispered into her ear, “Just relax, Jo.” He then placed his fingers lightly on each of her temples and began massaging them gently, making small even circles over them. “Does that feel better?”
“Mm hmm,” Joey sighed as her eyes fluttered shut. She could feel the tension floating up and out of her body. “Much better.”
“Good.” He continued his headache cure, moving down her head to her neck and then finally ending with her shoulders. A comfortable silence fell over the room as Pacey worked his magic, and Joey fell under the spell of his touch. The stereo was still playing softly, adding to the relaxing atmosphere. But why was the same song playing over and over?
“Hey, Pace?” Joey opened her eyes and looked up at him.
“What?”
“Why are we listening to the same song over and over again?”
“Oh, you finally noticed that.” He chuckled. “It’s about time, Potter...”
Joey shifted slightly so she could face him. “You mean you intended for that song to play on continuous loop?”
“Yep.” He nodded.
“Why?”
“Because I wanted you to hear it.”
She narrowed her eyes at him in confusion. “And why is that?”
“Because I think it applies to you and me and the promise I made to you last night.”
“Promise?”
“Remember? The whole reason you got drunk at the party last night was because you were upset about the possibility of leaving me to go away to college, and I told you not to worry about it because I plan to be wherever you are.”
“Oh! That promise.” She smiled as the memory came back to her.
“And the drunk girl gets her memory back!” He teased.
“Shut up, Pacey!” She smacked him playfully on the arm. “Like you’ve never been inebriated before.”
“Oh, I most certainly have, but we’re not talking about that right now.”
“Then what are we talking about?”
He shook his head at her and laughed. “The song, Potter. The song.” He gestured to the stereo.
“Right,” She bobbed her head up and down, “the song.” She turned back around and nestled against his chest again. “Why do you think this song applies to your promise?”
“Well,” he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder, “just listen to the words.” He then softly repeated the words of the current verse to her. “And maybe, I’ll find out a way to make it back someday. To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days. If a great wave shall fall, and fall upon us all, then I hope there’s someone out there who can bring me back to you. If I could, then I would. I’ll go wherever you will go. Way up high or down low. I’ll go wherever you will go.”
She tilted her head back to gaze up at him. “So, what you’re saying is you’re willing to follow me anywhere, and that you’ll always be there for me no matter what?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he replied seriously. “I meant what I said last night, Jo. Everyone keeps asking me what I plan on doing with my life and that’s the only one I can come up with right now. I plan to be wherever you are, and I plan on loving you and supporting you in anything you choose to do. Those are the things in life I know I’m good at. And I guess I wanted you to hear this song because it really does describe how I feel. I guess I was thinking that maybe this could be our song.”
“We have a song now?” She arched an eyebrow at him. “What’s next? Are we going to run for class couple?”
“You mean we’re not going to? And here I had the buttons already made up and everything. Dawson was even going to be our campaign manager.”
“Pacey!” She yelled at him wide-eyed. “That’s not funny.”
“It isn’t?” He asked innocently. “I thought it was.” He shrugged his shoulders.
She rolled her eyes at him and sighed. “I think my headache is coming back.”
“Well, we can’t have that.” He then started to rub her temples again.
“So, this is our song?” She asked as she began to enjoy her second massage.
“Yes it is. The super couple known as Pacey and Joey officially have a theme song to guide them through this soap opera we call life.”
“Oh God! Now we’re a super couple?”
“Of course we are, Jo.” He laughed. “But all kidding aside, this really is a great song, and I do want it to be ours.”
“It is a nice song, Pace.”
“It is indeed, and it represents perfectly my goal in life, which is to be with you always. So, every time you hear this song you can think of my promise to you. Even if there comes a time when I can’t be with you for whatever reason, this song should always remind you that I’m out there somewhere trying to get to you.”
“You know it goes both ways, Pace. Remember that I told you I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“You did say that, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
He rested his hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. “It looks like we’re stuck with each other then, Potter.”
“Looks like it.” She turned her head and planted a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “ I mean we have a song and everything.”
“Class couple here we come!” Pacey exclaimed as he pumped his fist in the air.
Joey shook her head and buried her face in his neck, giggling at him in spite of herself. “Oh man, we are such a super couple.” She picked her head back up and looked at him, her eyes twinkling. “You do know that means we’re doomed, right?”
“Naturally, everyone knows that all super couples are destined for a life of heartbreak, sorrow, and evil twins returning from the dead to keep them apart. It’s just common soap opera knowledge.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “You know what else super couples get to do?”
“What?”
“Walk around half naked and make out all the time.”
“Well, then we’d better get to work on that one.” Her voice was low and seductive and she began kissing his neck lightly.
Pacey broke into a huge grin. “Oh, I definitely plan to be wherever you are, Potter,” he growled into her ear before tilting her face up and capturing her bottom lip between his. Joey completely forgot about her headache as he kissed her and ‘their song’ played on the stereo, both things alleviating the throbbing in her head…
Joey was lost in the memory of the day she and Pacey officially decided on ‘their song’ and didn’t even realize that she reached her destination. She just drove there automatically without even thinking. She pulled into a parking space and shut off the car.
She was much calmer now. The song and flashback that came with it temporarily shut out the harsh reality that she now had to face.
The voices were still there, but they were murmuring quietly now. It was almost as if they were respecting the memory that she just relived. But they were still there and saying the same thing…
Pacey is gone. Pacey is gone. Pacey is gone…
“Pacey is gone,” she whispered the words out loud for the first time since hearing them in her head. “He’s gone.”
She wanted to cry then, to sob and wail in grief for Pacey, but she couldn’t. She was too numb and cold inside. No tears would come to help her release her sorrow.
She opened the car door and headed for the one place where she knew she could feel close to Pacey.
It was a beautiful spring evening down on the docks. The moon was full and casting a magical glow over the rippling waves of the ocean. The sky was clear and bright and filled with an abundance of twinkling stars. It was the kind of night Pacey loved.
But Pacey was gone.
Joey stood tall and stoic at the edge of one of the docks and tried to sense Pacey’s presence. Maybe he would come to her here. The docks were like their special place. Every super couple needed one, and a dock, any dock, was theirs. It seemed that was the place where they always said hello or goodbye to each other in their relationship.
Now she had to say one final goodbye to him. She had to let him sail away from her forever.
Joey directed her gaze heavenward as a light balmy breeze came in from the ocean and swirled around her, dancing softly over her upturned face and flowing down through her hair. The wind, which startled her on this otherwise calm night, seemed to come from nowhere and cut through the icy chill that had frozen her soul. She felt alive again as she soaked up the sparkling lights that seemed to go on forever in the cloudless night sky. She loved to stargaze, and so did Pacey. That was just another favorite pastime they liked to participate in as a couple. On beautiful nights like this, they always felt that the stars were shining just for them. As if God made such a spectacular sight for their viewing pleasure only. The stars belonged to them and no one else…
An idea flashed into her mind then, and she took off like a shot, dashing off to a place where she could be closer to the stars, their stars, and closer to Pacey. She flew up the steps to the highest point of the pier. When she reached the top, she clutched onto the railing in front of her and took a minute to catch her breath. She then threw her head back and opened her eyes wide to let the stars wash over her. They were so close now she felt like she could reach out and touch them.
Pacey was here with her now too. She could sense his presence all around her in every star that burned brightly above her.
She was reminded of another verse from their song then…
And he would stay with her forever; it was written in the stars. Joey realized the stars would always be her connection to Pacey; Pacey would never really be gone as long as they were still shining in the heavens above for her to gaze at.
Joey’s mind drifted back to the promises they made to each other.
“I’m not going anywhere without you…”
“I plan to be wherever you are…”
They really had kept their promise, although at first it didn’t seem like they did. They broke up and went their separate ways. But then Pacey showed up in Boston, and even though they weren’t technically together anymore, he was still there with her. And he pretty much followed through with his plan to love and support her no matter what. He always did do that.
And what did she do? She ran from him. Another line from their song popped into her head…
She took all of those things from him and ran, but she still kept her promise. She didn’t go anywhere without him. Even when she was running he was always with her in her heart. That night she first saw him in Boston gave her a real sense of peace she hadn’t felt since the last time she saw him.
And Pacey always followed her. That was their thing. She ran, but kept him with her. He followed and always ended up wherever she went…until now.
Now, he was gone…he was…dead. Right when she was ready to stop running he decided he didn’t want to be where she was.
He left her.
Joey’s emotions turned from grief to anger. She was angry at Pacey for not keeping his promise, and she was angry at herself for ever thinking she had a chance at happiness with him. She obviously didn’t deserve to be happy; everything in her life that gave her joy was taken away from her. She should’ve just kept on running because maybe Pacey would’ve stuck to their old pattern and followed her. Maybe he wouldn’t have left her.
Maybe this was all her fault.
It was! It was all her fault. Pacey was gone because of her. He wouldn’t have been in that car if it weren’t for her. She wished she’d just stayed away from him. He would be alive right now if she would’ve just kept on running…
Joey clasped her hand over her mouth as she felt the bile rising in her throat. She was sick, sick of herself and sick with grief and regret. She had to get out of there. She had to run away again. She couldn’t face reality, not if Pacey wasn’t a part of that reality. She spun on her heels and started to sprint across the pier.
The voices where chasing her again, and this time they were howling like a banshee in her ear…
PACEY IS DEAD! PACEY IS DEAD! PACEY IS DEAD!
They caught up with her and pushed her down. She stumbled forward and grabbed on to the railing in front of her for support, but it gave way from her force. This took Joey by surprise, and she lost her balance completely, tumbling over the edge. She could feel herself spiraling downward, those awful words cutting through her like a knife as she fell.
She held her breath and waited to make contact with the blue waters below her…she kept waiting…but she never reached the water. Instead, she kept falling and falling into blackness. She tried to scream, but no sound would come. She started to pick up speed as her body hurtled through the darkness and all she could think was…
Pacey is dead. Pacey is dead…
That thought stayed with her as she continued to freefall. She wondered if she would ever stop. When would this nightmare end...
“Pacey!” Joey screamed as she sprang up in bed, jolted awake by the sensation of falling and not being able to catch herself. She sat there frozen with fear. She was gasping for breath and couldn’t catch it. Her hair was damp with sweat and her whole body was shaking.
She took deep even breaths and tried to get her bearings. She took in the familiar surroundings of her bedroom at the B&B, seeking comfort in them. There was her mother’s old wooden rocking chair in the corner, and her bookshelves. The clock radio with its constant display of big red numbers was right beside her on the nightstand where it always was. She could also make out her dresser across the room that had all the pictures of the people she loved on top of it.
She was definitely in her room.
She sighed in relief. She was safely at home in bed, and not living out one of her worst nightmares. She took a few calming breaths and laid back down.
It was just a dream. It was all just a dream.
Pacey is still alive.
Right?
She quickly reached over and switched on the lamp on her bedside table. She took the phone from its cradle and dialed the number to his hospital room, glancing at the clock as she did. It was four in the morning. Pacey was going to kill her, but she had to hear his voice.
He picked up on the third ring.
“Hello?” he said groggily.
Joey burst into tears when she heard his voice. “Pacey, it’s Joey.”
Pacey sat upright in bed when he heard Joey crying. He knew something was terribly wrong. “Jo, what is it? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She tired to steady her shaky voice. “I…I just needed to hear your voice, that’s all.”
Pacey knew Joey all too well, and he got the meaning behind her telephone call. He could hear the fear in her voice. “I’m alright, Joey,” he reassured her softly.
“I know you are.” She reached for a tissue and dabbed at her eyes suddenly feeling silly for calling him. “Look, I’m sorry I bothered you, Pace. I’ll let you go back to sleep now,” she said quickly. “Good night, Pacey.” She dropped the phone back on its receiver before he could say anything else.
She couldn’t let him know about her nightmare or he would worry about her. There was also something else she knew she couldn’t tell him. She was planning on confessing her love for him today, just like in her dream.
She wasn’t going to do that now. She was afraid that might make her nightmare a reality.
She switched off the lamp, and pulled the covers tightly up around her, burying her face in her pillow. She started sobbing again as the full terror of her nightmare overtook her.
She couldn’t lose Pacey.
She had to keep running.
Then Pacey would have to follow her.
It was their thing.
And it was the only way she knew to keep him alive and with her.
“So, she had a nightmare,” Pacey said to Lilly as he watched Joey crying into her pillow.
“Yes, she did.” Lilly was having a difficult time seeing Joey cry and not being able to comfort her. Pacey was having the same problem.
“It was a nightmare about me, wasn’t it?”
Lilly shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.”
“It was. That’ s why she called me, and she’s going to run again, by the way.”
“How do you know that?” Lilly asked.
“Because I can see it in her eyes. I always can. She’s terrified.”
Lilly only nodded.
“And so am I,” he added, “Because I’m not going back if she runs again.”
He turned and walked away before Lilly could say anything else.
Lryics from Wherever You Will Go by The Calling
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