Terms of Endearment by: Kilby

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[Previously in "The Mirror Has Two Faces": Natasha confesses to Dawson that she kissed Malcolm, and told Dawson about their past together. They both decide to continue with their relationship. Jen tells her grandmother that she has HIV. Joey and Pacey are living happily as a couple.]

[Song: "Kissing You" by Faith Evans.]

Joey is stroking Pacey's hair as he lays in her lap on the couch in the Leery's living room. "I can't believe that I'm here," he said.

"Why do you say that?" she asked.

"I need a witness," he said. "I need someone to tell me that it's really true. That we are together, and that you love me, and that everything that has happened is real."

"You have me," she said. "I can tell you that I love you."

"I know," he said. "It's just so unusual that I get what I want."

"I know," she said. "But we did this time, and nothing can take that away."

"Everything that's happened, I mean. . .I don't know. The accident," he said, "I thought that I had put it behind me, and then all of the sudden they call me, and they tell me that they found the person who ran me over. What if when I see him. . .I know that when I see him I'll want to choke him for what he did to me, what he almost did to you. It just reopened all of the wounds, just when I almost thought I was over it."

"Pacey, you don't have to see him. You can't identify the guy anyway."

"They said he was drunk," Pacey said. "I almost died because this guy couldn't take a cab. He could have prevented it."

"People do stupid things when they drink," Joey said.

"It doesn't make it right," he said.

"I know. Look, what can we do to get your mind off of this?" she asked.

He sat up. "Probably nothing," he said honestly. She began kissing him. "Maybe that," he said.

*****

Dawson and Natasha were watching some rerun on the television. "Oh, did you see that?" Dawson asked her.

"What?" she asked.

"That guy just shot the gun. Five minutes ago he couldn't shoot that other guy because he was out of bullets," Dawson said.

"You pay attention to the strangest things," Natasha said. "Maybe it's a different gun."

"No," Dawson said. Before he could continue, he heard Pacey yelling from downstairs.

"Dawson, telephone."

"Thanks, Pace," Dawson yelled back. He picked up the phone, and Natasha continued watching the story unfold on the tv. Dawson walked back over to the bed, and sat down.

"Who was it?" Natasha asked.

"You remember when you got me tested for the bone marrow stuff," he said.

"Yeah," she said. "Did they find a match?"

"Yeah," he said.

"That's great Dawson."

"Yeah," he whispered, sounding concerned.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I just didn't think that they would find someone. What if it hurts?" he asked her, showing his vulnerability. She liked that about him.

"It does hurt, but not so bad," she said.

"You've given it?"

"Yeah."

"What if I don't want to do it?" he asked.

"Dawson you have to," she said. "You can save someone's life."

"Yeah, but they can find someone else, right?"

"Dawson, some of those people never find a match. You need to do it."

"Why did you give yours?" he asked her.

"They don't have a lot of biracial people registered to give bone marrow, and to have to wait, and wait, and wait to see if someone can give it is horrible. It's saving someone's life." Dawson listened to her, but didn't respond. "This is important to me. Can you do it?"

"Why is it important to you?" Dawson asked.

"Nate had leukemia," she said. "It took us months to find a suitable donor. It was horrible waiting. Dawson, if that person hadn't gone in and given him their bone marrow, he would've died."

"Oh," Dawson said.

"This person has someone just like me waiting to see if their loved one is going to live or die."

"Okay," Dawson said. "I'll do it."

"Good," she said. "Let's go to the hospital right now."

*****

After her appointment with Dr. Morgan, Jen took a shortcut through the hallway where the support groups were held, thinking she had left her sunglasses in the room during the last meeting. As she was walking down the hall, she ran right into someone coming out of one of the rooms. "Nate?" she said, as she regained her composure.

"Jen," he said. "Hey."

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "You're not sick, are you?"

"No," he said. "I'm fine." He was a little uneasy, because he had moved, he wanted to start over, and not let anyone know that he had had cancer.

"Are you sure?" she said with a devilish grin. "I mean, this is the first time I've been around you when you haven't used a line on me."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'll need to think of one." He paused. "You wanna go to lunch?"

"You're losing your touch," she said. "That's one proposal I will willingly accept." She was very curious to find out why he was there. She took his arm, and they began walking. Toward the entrance, they ran into Dawson and Natasha.

"Hey," Natasha said. "How did things go?"

"Fine," Nate said, muffling his voice, and giving her a look that could kill. "What are you doing here?"

"Dawson's going to make the arrangements to give bone marrow," Natasha said.

"You are?" Jen asked.

"Yeah," he said.

"That's really good of you man," Nate said. He looked at his sister. "Can I talk to you?"

He pulled Natasha to the side. "You told him?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "He wasn't going to give the marrow."

"Dammit Tasha, I didn't want anyone here to know," he said.

"Why?" she asked. "At least it explains you and your fly-by-night, live-for-the-day attitude."

"I don't want any pity," he said. "I just want to live my life."

"Fine," she said. "I'll tell him to keep it a secret, and I won't tell another soul."

"Good," he said, returning to Jen's side.

"Good luck Dawson," Jen said. "I'll see you later."

"It's a really good thing that you're doing Dawson," Nate said.

"Thanks," Dawson said, as Natasha ushered him away.

*****

Joey and Pacey stood outside of the Capeside Police Department. "You don't have to do this," Joey said. "I mean, it's not going to make any difference to him."

"It will to me," he said. He opened the door, and walked in, pulling Joey by her hand behind him.

"Pacey, it's so nice to see you," a balding man with a moustache said from behind the counter.

"Hi Chris," Pacey said to him.

"What can we do for you?" Chris asked him.

"Well," Pacey said. "I got a phone call last night from here saying that they had apprehended the person who caused my car accident."

"We did," Chris said. "How are you feeling by the way?"

"I'm okay," Pacey said. "I was wondering if we could see him."

"You want to see him?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"It's just what I need to do for myself," Pacey said.

"Okay," Chris said. "You can follow me." Pacey walked through a door out of the lobby, and followed Chris, still dragging Joey behind him. This was going to be difficult enough as it was, and Pacey prayed that he wouldn't have to face his brother or his father.

They reached a cell that was holding two men. "Which one is he?" Pacey asked.

"Haman," Chris said, using his finger to motion for a skinny blond man to come toward him. Haman was young, clean shaven, his blond hair neatly combed, dressed nicely, and Pacey thought there was some mistake. Villains, after all, were supposed to look horrible, scary even. This guy looked like one of his teachers. Still, he looked at the man with fire in his eyes.

"Do you know who I am?" Pacey asked.

"No," Haman said.

"I'm the person you hit with your car," Pacey said, calmly. Haman looked away, ashamed. "You almost killed me," he continued. "You changed my life. I have bouts of anger. I can't sit still for more than twenty minutes. I can't concentrate. My short term memory went all to hell. You made people wait at the hospital to see if I lived or died. You didn't even have the courage to stop and take your punishment as a man. You didn't care about what you did. You didn't care about me." He pulled Joey close to him. "You almost killed her."

"I. . .I'm sorry," Haman said. "I was drunk, and I. . ."

"That's not right," Pacey said. "Sorry doesn't change things. They are still the same. I don't care that you were drunk. You didn't have to drive that car. No excuse in the world is going to change what I've gone through, what my family and friends went through."

"I know," he said.

"If you want to be sorry, be sorry," Pacey said. "Be sorry enough that you won't get in a car the next time you've had too much to drink. Be sorry enough that you don't screw up someone else's life, or worse yet kill someone. You take a good look at my face," he said, pointing to his face. "I hope that my image haunts you the rest of your life. When you get in a car, and look in the rear view mirror, it will be the first one that you see. This face is going to keep you from hurting someone else."

"It will be," he said. "Your spirit haunted me already, now your face will."

"Fine," Pacey said. "I don't feel sorry for you. Because you haunt me every day, just the same."

Joey looked at him. "You almost ruined my life. Not because you almost ran over me, but because you decided to play God, and try to take him from me. I hope that you live to be 120 years old, thinking every day about what you did." She turned, and began walking out.

"We just wanted to let you know what you did, since you were probably too drunk to remember," Pacey said. He turned to leave as well. Haman just watched him leave.

Pacey darted out to the lobby, where he grabbed Joey. They stood there in each other's embrace as the world slowly kept turning.

*****

[Song: "Reality" by Elusion.]

Nate and Jen were sitting at an outdoor table at the Icehouse. "So," Jen said to him, "what's your story Nate?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking up from his hamburger and french fries.

"I don't know anything about you," she said. "And everything that I've seen of you seems to be an act."

"It's not an act," he said. "I am overconfident, aggressive."

"So why are you so different today?"

"Maybe I don't feel so confident today. I mean, you were the first person that I saw when I got here. Against my better judgement, I fell hard. It's not working on you, so maybe I just decided not to waste my time."

"So what are you saying?" she asked.

"If you're not interested, I just need to accept it," he said.

"Maybe I would be interested if I knew who you are."

"What do you want to know?"

"What has made you Nate?" she asked, ambiguously.

"My mom, my dad, my sister, my friends. My experiences, the bad ones and the good ones," he said.

"And what traits have these things given you."

"I don't know," he said. "I'm happy-go-lucky. I live for the day. I'm loyal, and trustworthy. Not honest like my sister, but how many people can be? I'm hard working when it comes to things that I want. Stubborn, egotistical, single-minded. I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in."

"And you're afraid to let people see the real you. You have trouble letting people get close to you," she said.

"Well," he said, "sometimes it's just easier to be what people want you to be. That way you can please everyone, you don't have to disappoint them."

"Who do you do that for?" she asked.

"Everybody. My parents, they have the perfect child already, so I'm the carefree trouble maker. I give my sister the chance to mother me, like she wants to. For friends it's complicated. It's not easy being biracial," he said. "You are constantly forced to choose to be one thing or another, and you can never be what you really are. When you have to choose, you lose out, just because, you're always denying the other part of yourself."

"So why not just be yourself?" she asked. "Wouldn't that be easier?"

"It's easier to keep everyone happy," he said. "It makes the people who really care about me that much more important, just because they know me."

"So why did you tell me all this?"

"You asked."

"So is there anything else to Nathan Hughes?" she asked.

"Tons more," he said.

"Like what?"

"All kinds of dimensions. Nate the friend. Nate the basketball player. Nate the class clown. Nate the root of all evil," he said with a grin. "It just goes on and on."

"Okay," she said. "So why were you at the hospital this morning?"

"I think you should answer some of my questions," he said. "Who are you Jen?"

"I can see that I'm not going to drag any more out of you," she said.

"So you get most of your answers, and refuse to give me any," he said.

"What fun would it be if I told you everything about me on the first day that we met?" she asked.

"But we met. . ."

"As far as I'm concerned," she said, "this is the first day that I've met you. And I like this you. I like the real you."

Nate blushed a bit. "Thanks," he said nervously.

"Now, tell me more about Nate the basketball player. That sounds interesting," she said. Nate began telling her about how he played basketball, voicing his concerns about changing schools. They had a nice, lighthearted conversation, and Jen even kept up briefly talking about the Knicks. It had been a long time since Jen has just talked to someone, and she really liked this side of Nate. He made her forget her problems, and it was a good feeling.

They had sat talking for about two hours, when Pacey and Joey walked in. Jen waved as they approached. "Hey guys," she said, "what's going on?"

"Not much," Joey said. "We just stopped for a bite to eat."

"Oh," Jen said. "Why don't you join us?"

"Sure," Pacey said, as he pulled out a chair for Joey. Then he sat down.

"So, are you coming to Dawson's tonight?" Joey asked Jen.

"What's at Dawson's tonight?" Jen asked.

"Movie night," Joey said. "He's giving bone marrow on Monday, and he wanted a day with all of us together."

"I know," Jen said. "We saw him."

"So are you coming?" Joey asked Jen again.

"He didn't invite me," she said. "Although, I haven't even been home to get a call."

"He wants you to come," Joey said.

"Why don't you come too, Nate?" Pacey asked.

"No," he said, "I don't want to intrude."

"You won't be intruding," Pacey said. "If anything, you'll round things out."

"Okay," Nate said. "Thanks man."

"Sure," Pacey said. "We're meeting at the video store at nine. You know where that is?"

"Yeah, I think I can find it," Nate said.

"So why are we meeting at the video store?" Jen asked.

"Well, Dawson's feelings are still a little hurt after last time, so he thinks that it's best that we all choose the movies together," Joey said.

"And I have to work until nine," Pacey said.

"You're going back to work?" Jen asked.

"Yeah," Pacey said. "I might as well. Things will get better eventually if I just keep pushing myself."

"I'd think that work and school would be too much," Jen said.

"I need money," Pacey said. "I have to work." She shook her head.

Nate looked at his watch. "Oh, I'm sorry, but I've got to go."

"Don't let us chase you away," Pacey said.

"No," he said. "I've got something to do. I've gotta go, and I didn't realize the time."

"So we'll see you later, right?" Jen asked.

"Yeah," he said, smiling. He walked up to the cash register, and paid their bill. "I'll see you guys later," he said, as he turned to walk away.

"Nate," Jen yelled. He turned to face her. "Thanks," she said. He flashed her a huge smile before he walked away.

"What was that?" Joey asked her with a sly grin.

"Just adding to my network of friends," Jen said, as she watched Nate walk away.

*****

"Natasha, I don't know about this," he said. "I mean, I didn't think that they would do it when you wouldn't be there. I thought that you were going to guide me through it."

"I'll be there," she said, as she sat next to him on the couch and took his hand.

"You'll come?" he asked.

"Sure," she said. "After all, I did talk you into this."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she said. "What? You think that I'm going to run away?"

"I don't know," he said. "We're not exactly the most stable couple on the face of the earth."

"Stability is boring," she said. "But, I mean, if we're not what you think that we should be, you can walk away."

"I don't want to have this discussion," he said. "I'm happy. You're right. I'm sure that stability is boring. My mom and dad are proof of that."

"What happened?" she asked, concerned after she saw Dawson's mood change.

He thought about not telling her, but thought that she might be able to offer him an explanation of what it's like. "My mom. . .she had an affair."

"Oh," Natasha said. She was unsure of what to add.

"What's it like?" Dawson asked.

"What?" she asked, sounding confused.

"To have someone you love cheat on you."

"Oh," she said. "Well. . .," she began, unsure of how to respond. "It's, um, it's like when you're little, and you wake up on Christmas morning, and you find that one toy under the tree. You know, that one toy that you wanted more than anything. You take extra special care of it. It doesn't get a scratch. You don't lose its parts. You did everything to keep her the best that it could be. You're selfish, and don't want anyone else to play with it. So you hide it where no one can find it. I did that a lot. Nate used to love to roll my dolls down the stairs when we were little. But, it's like coming home from school one day, and finding that toy. It's broken, or scratched, or missing a part, and you know that someone else played with it. It's a betrayal. Someone took the thing that was most important to you and used it for their own purposes. They don't think about how it will make you feel. They just think about themselves. After that, the toy just isn't the same."

Dawson shook his head. "I didn't mean to get so deep," she said.

"It's okay," Dawson said. "That's what I needed to hear."

"Well," she said, "I'd better get home."

"You're meeting us at nine, right?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said, "I'll see you then." She gave him a kiss before she left. Dawson laid back on the couch, trying feel the feelings that Natasha had described.

*****

[Song: "Lose My Cool" by SWV.]

Natasha and Nate were in their kitchen singing along with the radio. Natasha was washing dishes, and Nate was drying them, and putting them away.

"So," Nate said, "I'm coming to Dawson's tonight."

"You are?" Natasha asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah. Why are you so shocked?"

"I don't know. I just thought that it sounds. . .I don't know, a little different that what you usually do."

"I know," he said, "but I just thought it would be interesting. Different."

"Does this have to do with Jen?" she asked, mischievously.

"Maybe a little. Why?"

"Just be careful with her," Natasha said. She was giving Nate a broad hint, but didn't want to tell him that she suspected Jen had HIV.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"Just don't get hurt," she said.

"That's a first," he said. "You telling me not to get hurt. Well, thanks big sis, but I'm a big boy, and I. . ."

"Okay," she said. "I don't need to hear the I'm-all-grown-up-now-so-leave-me-alone speech again. You know, if we don't speed this up, we're not going to make it on time."

"Maybe you're not washing fast enough," he said.

"Well, maybe you're not drying fast enough," she said. She stuck her tongue out, regressing back to her childhood, and how she used to solve their little arguments when they were smaller.

*****

Jen and Dawson were going up and down the aisles of the video store trying to find a suitable movie to watch. Joey was sitting with Pacey behind the counter.

"How about 'Higher Learning?'" Jen asked.

"What's it about?" Dawson asked.

Jen examined the cover of the movie. "The lives of different people on a college campus."

"That sounds interesting," Dawson said. "It's one that even I haven't seen, so what could it hurt?"

Jen tossed "Higher Learning" to Pacey, who caught it, and placed it on the counter.

"What about 'Sixteen Candles'?" Dawson asked Joey.

"I don't think so Dawson," she said. "That movie is filled with way too much teenaged angst. We have enough of that in our own lives."

"Okay," he said, rolling his eyes. He placed the movie back on the shelf, and continued looking. "I wonder where Natasha and Nate are," Dawson said. When the bell above the door rang, he looked up, expecting to see them. To his surprise, Doug walked in.

Doug looked very angry as he approached Pacey. "I can't believe you Pacey," he said.

"What's wrong?" Pacey asked, seriously. He had never seen Doug like this before.

"You have somehow managed to turn Dad against me!" he screamed.

"What?" Pacey whispered. Jen gave Dawson and uneasy glance.

"Dammit you heard me!" he hollered, his voice resonating in Pacey's ears.

"We should do something," Jen whispered to Dawson.

"No," Doug yelled as he spun around. In seconds he had his gun drawn, and was pointing it at Jen and Dawson. "Move away from the door!" he yelled. They were paralyzed. "Now," he screamed.

They moved away from the door, Doug walked up to it, and locked it. Jen and Dawson were now standing near Joey and Pacey. Doug pointed the gun at them. "Now," he said, in a normal tone of voice. "We need to come to an understanding."

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