My Only Sunshine by: Matahari

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Personal Message: Hi! It's me Matahari ( If you've read the rest of my stories I think you know me a little bit right now. This is my third part to Sweet Dreams. I don't know what you'll think about it. I wrote it intending it to be about something else, so this is kind of a transitory piece. However, somehow, it developed a life of it's own. There are a lot of metaphors and hidden meanings so look out for them. Also, this is my first piece where I've involved another character besides Joey and Dawson. It's Pacey. He has a little candid at the end. I wrote this when it was really rainy and dreary outside so you can see how this affected my story.

Disclaimers: All the same as before. Except that the people who wrote the song, "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough are Patty Smyth and Don Henley. At last, true credit is given to them. Also in this piece, there's a song which I would really appreciate help on. I have a vague idea of the name but I definitely do not on the artist. I'm afraid this may sound familiar. I just started singing it. It was probably the weather. Thank you very much for your help!

THANK YOU!: Thanks so much for the praise and motivation from the readers and site owners that e-mailed me and also my sister who helped me a tiny bit with the ending. People were so nice to tell me the artist of "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough" I am surprised and glad to say that I have gotten no bad comments. Those e-mails were so inspiring. The only problem they may have caused is the feeling that I may be inadequate to keep up with the expectations of others with my writing. I'll try my best however!

My Only Sunshine

After he read the letter, Dawson's heart sank. All the hopes and dreams that may have surfaced the night before were almost completely dashed.

The dreams and hopes for his and Joey's future were like a piece of rainbow-- colored glass, perfect in every way, that had somehow managed to slip from his fingers. And when it had fallen to the ground, all the light in the universe dissapeared and nothing was left but the grays.

His world revolved around Joey. His life without her was without light, without meaning. He had no idea what to do next. His mind went completely balnk. He felt completely hopeless. He went through his morning routine robotically. His shower, breakfast, and the time he changed his clothers, were only vague images as he set out toward school on his bike. The only bright spot in his mind was the hope that he might somehow manage to be in his sun's light again. If only for a little while.


Joey trembled and shuddered as she rowed home down the creek. Home. Was where she headed really her home? Actually, the only place she had truly felt safe was in Dawson's arms and now she had probably given that up forever.

She pursed her lips and refused to cry, even though tears were threatening to outpour from her eyes. As she got out of the boat, she said to herself, "This is all for the best. You know it is." Although at the moment, it felt like one of the worst times of her life.

Amazingly, for once the house was quiet. It was quite opposite to the chaos that was going on in her mind. She took a shower. In a way, she was trying to wash away her fear and sorrow down the drain with the water. She changed and ate some breakfast before her long trek to school.


Dawson's legs moved sluggishly as he peddled toward the school. He thought, "What did I do wrong?" and then, answering his own question in his mind thought, "You moron! You should have realized it sooner! You were off in your own little world and you fantasized about Jen. Yes, you worshipped her! You never realized how your rhetoric of her then seemingly endless virtues made Joey feel."

"How could you have never noticed that every time you spoke of her you were causing Joey more and more intense pain? Maybe even more pain than you're feeling right now?! How could you have never noticed every time you ironically spoke of longing and romance and her ignorance of it all, she breezed off the subject with a light but utterly true comment?! How could you not have noticed the way her eyes seemed to take on an air of sadness, hopelessness and sacrifice?! But you ignored it! You, a stupid, arrongant fool, ignored it! Your illusion of Jen blinded you to a beautiful reality. Joey was deeply in love with you and for the moment you know that she still is. But she will probably never act on her feelings thanks to you!"

"Every time you touched her, every time you held her, you always took for granted the fact that she was always there for you. You thought everything would turn out perfect like a script but you've found out that in life things don't always go the way you've planned haven't you? Your whole world has been turned upside down. You deserve it! You know you do! And because of your previous decisions, you will always be in love with Joey, but you will always be forced apart by the stupid actions you've made. You know she could have done so much better."

"Why did she fall in love with you? Love can be the most beautiful thing in the world, but it can also be the most painful. I love her so much."

"I love her." Dawson said again and again on the verge of tears. "I love you, Joey," Dawson whispered, "I love you so much that every minute that goes by, the pain of my loss of you forever is incomparable. Sure, I'll be able to see you every day, but nothing will ever be the same.There's this pain in my heart that I've never felt before, not even with Jen. It almost seems to be breaking, although I know that's not possible. My whole body seems to be aching for you. Nothing seems right or true. Everything's off balance and not in tune. I've never realized until now how much you mean to me. And now it's too late. It's too late. It's too late." He then parked his bike near the opening doors and entered, thinking of Joey.


Joey walked sullenly across the highway toward the brick building a half an hour away. She thought about what Dawson was doing, "He's probably getting ready for school right now unless he decides to stay home. I guess. He should be pretty sad and angry right now, but he'll get over it. I'm sure Jen would love to *comfort* him. He's probably glad to get rid of me anyway," she thought with a tear falling down her cheek.

"The only reason he said that he loved me was probably to keep me from going to France or even worse because he felt sorry for me! Well, I'm not going to take anyone's pity! Now that everything's out in the open, I'll just have to deal with it and stick it out."

"Yeah, that's what I'll do. All alone." she said softly, "All alone and without Dawson." The thought was so painful that she got out of her trance and looked around.

While she had been thinking, she had also walked all the way up to the school's entrance. "I guess this is the way it'll have to be from now on," said Joey. "One day at a time," and she stepped through the doors of the school.


Dawson looked around the hallway for a glimpse of Joey. He was still a little dazed, but not as much as earlier. He had run into Pacey when he went to his locker and Pacey had yet again asked, "Who is it? The blond or the brunette?" jokingly but also seriously at the same time.

Pacey had no idea what had happened the night before. No idea of the thoughts going through Dawson's mind and the fact that he had finally made his decision only to have her taken away from him.


When Dawson failed to answer his question with an, "I just don't know." Pacey looked thoughtfully at Dawson. He had that tortured look on his face. The same tortured look he had worn when he had first discovered the truth about his mom's relationship with her co-anchor Bob. His eyes were a little red as if he hadn't had enough sleep or he'd been crying. His forehead was wrinkled and one eyebrow was lifted up in a distinct arch. His lips were closed tightly and he kept on staring at the ground as if in a dream.

"Well, Dawson," said Pacey, "seeing as you're contemplating something to the point of being a walking zombie, I'll leave you to your graveyard and be on my way with my trivial question of the day, which just happens to pertain to the rest of your life. But hey? If you want to ignore me just like my family and everyone else in this miserable town, that's fine with me." And with that, Pacey walked away.

"Pacey." Dawson said trying unsucessfully and a little too late to get him to stop from going away. "Oh, well," he thought, "I might as well try to go through this *wonderful* day with the least amount of casualties and as soon as possible."

He headed for his 4th period class still slightly in his own world knowing that the light of his life would be in the very room he was heading. But were the rays that shone from her for him? Or were they intended for another someday? Only time would tell.


As he headed toward the room, Dawson thought about a song his mother had sung to him a long time ago. Though the meaning of the words had somewhat changed they still had an effect on the way he felt. This time the song wasn't about the love of a mother to her son. It told the tale of a love deep inside his heart. A tale that had only just recently been discovered...

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy,
When skies are gray.
You'll never know dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take,
My sunshine away.

Note from Matahari: again, no idea who wrote this and now I don't even know the correct name, but yet again credit is given to the artist.

Feedback: I love feedback! I wouldn't say I live off it, but it's like chocolate. You know? You don't *need* it, but you know you want it. So send ideas, suggestions, comments,questions, answers and whatever else you have. Thanks!

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