Summary: Andie's gone and Pacey can't cope. It seems only Joey can stop his downward spiral into depression.
Disclaimer: As well as not owning Dawson's Creek and it's characters and settings, I also don't own the Goo Goo Dolls (oh, don't I wish!) or the song, 'Black Balloon.'
Notes: This story is loosely based around the Goo Goo Dolls song, 'Black Balloon' (hence the title). It's not a happy fanfic, so don't read it expecting happily ever afters all round. This is real life, kids (ahhh, Nicola's eternal pessimism rears it's ugly head once again!)
Timeline: Set shortly after Parental Discretion Advised. The events which have happened since will become apparent quite quickly.

Pacey's room lay in darkness. The curtains remained drawn, despite the fact that day had long since broken. The only clue to the time dragging by, was the gradual lengthening of the shadows cast by his furniture. Outside his door, the world continued as normal, but inside his small, cell-like bedroom, it felt to Pacey like life had been suspended.

His once laughing, blue eyes were now clouded by pain. Occasionally, his lashes blinked away tears, but for the most part, his gaze remained glazed over as he stared hollowly at his ceiling. Disjointed images and snatches of conversation danced inside his head. In his mind's eye, he saw Andie's face, contorted with pain as she begged him to make the hurt and the suffering go away. Squeezing his eyes shut, he banished the harrowing memory. Why had she put her love and trust into him, someone so undeserving?

From what seemed like a long way away, he heard a voice, barely discernible above the loud, sorrowful song which blasted from his stereo, calling his name. He didn't respond. The last thing he needed were more awkward, supposedly commiserate words from some well-meaning friend or family member. Words meant nothing; it didn't matter how many times you said you were sorry -- it wasn't going to bring Andie back.

There was a knock on his door. He made no move to answer it. Soon they'd give up, take their pity somewhere else.

"Pacey? It's me. Can I come in?" It was Dawson's voice, sickeningly full of sympathy and compassion. His friend seemed to take his silence as a yes, because after a moment there was a scraping sound as his door was pushed open. Light spilled inside from the hallway, silhouetting Dawson's uncomfortable, hesitant posture in the door frame. "You weren't at school today," he began. "That's the third time this week."

Pacey's only response was a heavy sigh, as he rolled over on his bed. He didn't want to look at the pitying concern in Dawson's eyes -- an expression he should be used to being confronted with by now, he supposed.

The room was cloaked in abrupt silence as Dawson strode over to his stereo, pausing John Rzeznik mid-sentence.

"Listen to me, Pacey. You've got to snap out of this. Shutting yourself away in your room every day isn't going to achieve anything. Andie's dead. You've got to come to terms with that."

Pacey lowered his gaze to look Dawson in the face. His cold, contemptuous sneer told all. "What you mean, is that I've got to forget about her."

"Not forget," he corrected, "let go."

"Let go of the one person I've ever loved? Let go of the only thing that matters to me?" he demanded harshly. "No, I can't do that."

"She's gone, Pacey. She's not coming back. There's nothing to left to hold on to."

"If I let go of her, I've got nothing left." His voice was choked with sobs now.

"You've got me. You've got your friends, you've got your family," Dawson protested.

Pacey looked away, thinking bitterly of his best friend. Dawson and his perfect, unscathed life. He'd never lost anyone close to him. On the contrary, he and Joey were closer than ever now. What did he know about pain?

"No. I don't," he said at last, in a low, weary voice. Curling up into a ball, he buried his face in the soft wool of his blanket. It wasn't long before he heard Dawson's retreating footsteps and a click as the door shut behind him -- closing Pacey off from the world once more.

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