Cruel Inventions by: Amanda


Disclaimer: So I huffed and I puffed and blew Kevin Williamson down and stole his characters. I also blew down Laura Branigan and stole her song "With Every Beat of My Heart." And in the process, I made my own character, Josh. Spoilers: This takes place after "Full Moon Rising," which, may I say, was not a good episode.

Author's Note: This story is told from Dawson's point of view.

Cruel Inventions

As I look out of my window
I see your face in each shadow on the street below me

I looked out of my window and saw a translucent image of Joey. I felt so separated from her then, ever since she became obsessed with art.

And as I hear the hard rain falling

I'll never know exactly how the scene went, but I'll always look at it in this way:

Joey was about to leave her art class to go in the pouring rain when she heard a voice from behind her.

"Joey! There's someone I want you to meet!" Laura called.

Joey turned around to see a guy around her age who she thought was incredibly hot. His deep brown eyes burned into hers like fire.

"This is Josh Johns, son of Jasper Johns," Laura said triumphantly.

(Author's Note #2: And if you didn't know, Jasper Johns is a famous abstract artist. I don't believe he has a son though. But if he does, it's purely coincidental.)

"Hi, I'm Josephine Potter, but if you don't call me Joey, you won't live to see another day," she smiled, extending her hand.

Josh laughed at Joey's joke and shook her hand.

I wonder will you be calling, do you still wanna hold me?

"Dawson! Come down here, I want you to meet someone!" Joey called as she ran into my house.

"One sec!" I shouted in return. A moment later, I bounded down the stairs.

"Dawson, this is Josh Johns, son of Jasper Johns. You know, that famous abstract artist?" I nodded my head. "Josh, this is my friend Dawson Leery."

*Friend?* I thought, confused. *Did we break up and I just don't remember?*

I ended my thought by giving Joey a strange look.

"Errr...boyfriend," Joey corrected herself.

Josh looked perturbed for a second, but Joey didn't catch it and he covered it up. He clapped his hands together.

"Look, Joey, the reason Laura wanted me to meet you is because she showed some of your artwork to my dad and he was quite impressed. Well, he obviously is impressed, inviting you to a party he's hosting on Saturday."

"You're kidding, right?" Josh shook his head. "Ohmigod!" She jumped up and down and gave Josh a hug, leaving me hurt.

I think will you turn away?
Do you wanna say it's over?

Joey, realizing what she had done, wriggled out of Josh's embrace and threw herself into my arms. I held onto her tight, as if I'd never see her again. But I had my suspicions about this Josh guy, and felt as if Joey was slipping away from me and the only I could do to stop it was hold onto her and never let go.

"I'll be going now," Josh said, interrupting the Kodak moment. "See you around, guys." He showed himself out as Joey pulled away from me.

"Can you believe it?" she shrieked. "JASPER JOHNS wants to meet me! A famous abstract artist wants to meet me, the too tall girl from the wrong side of the creek!"

"You're not from the wrong side, Jo, Jen's from the wrong side."

"And that means you're from the wrong side, too," she teased.

"Shut up," I smiled, leaning down to kiss her.

After a minute, she broke away. "See you later?"

"Sure," I said, my smile fading ever so slightly.

Will you really come?
Was it just for fun, I wonder

"Bye, Dawson," she parted with a passionate goodbye kiss. Her hand ran up my cheek as a chill ran down my spine, as if to symbolize this wouldn't last for long.

Is it that easy to see, that every time you touch me

She left, leaving a puzzled me behind.

The next day...

"Pacey!" I yelled from across the lunchroom.

"Dawson, my man," Pacey greeted me with a pat on the shoulder.

"Listen," I started as we sat down at our usual lunch table, "Joey met this Josh Johns guy yesterday. He's the son of that famous artist Jasper Johns, you know?" Pacey nodded. ''Well, I met him, too, and he really seemed to like Joey and she really seemed to like him. She's slipping further and further away from me and I can't help but be the slightest bit frightened at this. My relationship with her is the only thing I've ever been able to count on besides my Speilberg theory. And I can't find a movie that has this problem, so I can't correlate it with my own life. But anyway, Jasper's hosting a party and he wants Joey to come. Josh says I'm welcome to go also, and I need you to come with me, Pace. I mean, what if something happens? What if-"

"Dawson, dude, don't worry, I'm there. Just do I have to wear a su-" Pacey stopped short as Joey came.

"Hey, guys," she greeted us cheerfully. She sat down next to me and kissed me on the cheek. "Wait-guy and a farm animal.''

"Very funny, Jo. Now I hear you're going to meet Jasper Johns."

"Yes, I am. What would you care?"

"Can I come, Mommy?" he asked, sticking his lower lip out and doing a puppy dog face.

A look of pondering became across the face of my girlfriend. She finally reached her verdict. "As long as you don't humiliate me."

Just then, Josh came and plopped down next to Joey. "Anyone sitting here?" he inquired, smiling at Joey.

"Go right ahead," she replied. "Oh, and this is Pacey Witter. Pacey, this is Josh Johns."

"Hi, Pacey," Josh said.

Pacey smiled in reply.

"Is it okay if he comes to the party, too?" Joey asked Josh.

"No problem." Joey and Josh started up a conversation about art, one of which Pacey and I were unable to participate in. I looked at Joey and Josh disheartenedly, not knowing what to do.

With every beat of my heart, there's thunder inside

Saturday night...

"Dawson, Pacey and I are coming over to your house when we're done getting ready, and then Josh is picking us up, kay?" Joey told me over the phone.

"Yeah, Jo, see you then,'' I responded, then hanging up the phone. This was going to be a long night.

Every beat of my heart, I need you tonight

"Dawson, it's me, the love of your life, Joey! Come here and give me some, you stud muffin!" Pacey burst as he entered my room.

"Hi, Pace," I rolled his eyes.

"Dawson!" a familiar voice came from downstairs.

"That must be Joey," I said anxiously.

I went downstairs to be stolen of breath. She was beautiful. She was wearing a long light blue dress and small diamond earrings. Her hair was piled on top of her head in curls.

I ran down and grabbed her in my arms. She took my head in her hands and made me kiss her. I fell more and more under her spell by the minute. I can only think that if it didn't happen, I would have been less bruised, less hurt...but she was just so captivating, I couldn't help it. I wish I could have.

Every beat of my heart, I'm reachin for you
I need you now, with every beat of my heart

"Ahem," Pacey coughed.

"Oh, sorry, Pace," Joey blushed.

"Hello?" we heard someone shout. My intuition was correct-it was Josh.

"Hi, Josh," Joey greeted him while Pacey and I just smiled.

"Hey. Look, we better get going, my dad wants us to hurry up," he responded.

Little did I know I was on my way to the Heartbreak Hotel as soon as I stepped into that limo.

Joey sat in the front with Josh, Pacey sat in the middle, and I sat in the back, lying down in the dark area I could. I heard Joey's laugh and her voice faintly. The cold wind rushed through the window as Josh began to speak, as if to sygnify my world would be shattered by him.

As I lay down in this dark room
I hear your voice like a soft tune, echo all around me
And as I feel the cold wind blowing
I wonder will you be showing, or forget you ever found me?

45 minutes later, we arrived at the estate of Jasper Johns. It was an incredible building. A mansion, and even that's underestimating the size of it. The pillars were marvelous, as was everything about the building. I found it extraordinary, but I was unaware what pain and heartbreak this place would bring me.

As Joey got out of the car, she turned to face Josh...not me. I was upset with this at first, but pushed the thought aside. If she pined away for me for quite awhile, why would she give me up now that I belong to her?

I think will you turn away?
Do you wanna say it's over?
Will you really come?

These questions raced through my mind like lightening, but I convinced myself my suspicions were silly. I knew they weren't, and what happened later that night proved it.

Was it just for fun, I wonder

"Come on, Dawson," Joey said gleefully. She was bursting with life as she took my hand and I felt the same chill run down my spine.

Is it easy to see, that every time you touch me With every beat of my heart, there's thunder inside

"Welcome, welcome,'' the butler ushered us in as we entered. He didn't know what importance Joey held. To Jasper Johns, and to me.

Every beat of my heart, I need you tonight

As we entered, the house itself was even more oustounding than it looked. I grasped Joey's hand tighter, feeling that if I didn't, I would lose her forever. And boy, did I ever.

Every beat of my heart, I'm reachin' for you I need you now, with every beat of my heart

Later that night, I began to feel sick to my stomach, so my mother came and picked me up. I'm thankful I left: what Pacey told me was heartbreaking enough, I know I wouldn't have wanted to see it.

With every beat of my heart, with every beat of my heart

My phone rang, waking me from my light sleep.

"Hello?" I answered sleepily.

"Dawson, take hold of something, because I know you're not going to like what I have to say," Pacey started in a sympathetic tone.

What he told me has always brought a certain image to mind and tears my eyes.

This is always how the image goes:

*"Joey, wanna dance?" Josh would ask her.

"Sure," she would reply, smiling.

When they got to the dance floor, K-Ci and JoJo's "All My Life" or some other slow love song would be playing. Their bodies would slowly press together gently as if they knew the other one well.

Around the end of the song, Josh leans down and kisses Joey, a kiss she passionately responds to. The kiss was long and slow and deep, but whatever it was, it was something I couldn't give her, because she forgot about me then. She forgot about me forever.*

Every beat of my heart, oh, every beat of my heart
Every beat of my heart, deep inside of me something's died, oh

I went completely numb for a moment, while my heart and head let everything settle in.

"Pacey, if this is some kind of joke, I swear to God-"

"This is no joke, Dawson Michael Leery. That was the moment of truth for Joey-she found someone, and it wasn't you. Everyone has one heartbreak in their life that stands out, and some are easier to get over than others, but I can see that this isn't one of those cases."

"Pacey, I love her. And I just don't think I can handle seeing her with him. I can't do it."

"I'm sorry, Dawson," Pacey whispered. Then he hung up, leaving me in the most isolated state I've ever been in. It was all too much to absorb.

Every beat of my heart, every beat of my heart, oh

I fell asleep in tears I never thought would stop, my head not knowing what to expect of the next day. But my heart knew: agony, heartbreak, nightmare, pain, just to name a few. And that was one of the things that slowly, slowly but surely, killed me inside. I couldn't handle it.

That next morning, I heard a ladder bang against the side of my house. That bang was like a bang on the door to my heart, and when Joey came through my wondow, it was like she went throught that door and tore my heart apart.

"Dawson, we need to talk," she sighed.

"We do, don't we?" I replied cattily.

"Well, last night, Josh asked me to dance and when it was almost over, he kissed me. And it was unlike any kiss I've ever gotten before. It was slow and passionate and gentle and everything anyone would ever want in a kiss. And...I forgot about you. Afterwards, when I was there in his arms, I felt safe and wanted and everything, and it was a feeling I never got from you. And I think...that we should just break up. I mean, I cheated on you and enjoyed it. That's not something that should be happening."

She looked me straight in the eye then, trying to figure out what I was feeling, what this speech meant to me. I had to turn my head, or she would have seen the tears glistening in my eyes.

Every beat of my heart, every beat of my heart

"Dawson?" she asked me softly, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Get out. Please, I beg of you, get out," I whispered. "I can't look you in the eye anymore, because it'll only bring back all the heartache, and all the pain. We can't see each other anymore. Maybe one day, when the pain has subsided, and it won't be so hard, but for now, we can't do it. *I* can't do. So please, Joey, for my sake, go and don't come back."

"Okay, Dawson, whatever you want," she said, heading out the window, but before leaving, she turned around and added, "I'm so sorry."

"Sometimes sorry isn't enough,'' I whispered.

It's been 2 years since then, and I still can't face Joey. People told me I need to go on, and that *life* goes on. But how can I let go to the only thing I've ever been able to hold on to? And they don't know what it's like when someone sweeps you off your feet only to abruptly bring you down again. They don't know what it's like to lay down everynight and cry, hoping and praying for that second chance to love them that you know you'll never get. They've never loved someone so much it hurts physically. They don't know...and probably never will.

Something's died inside me, deep inside of me

Feedback are like good days. You can't always have 'em, but they feel damn good when they do happen.


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