Bessie,

I'm going. I need to be away from Capeside and away from you and Dawson. Please know that I never meant to hurt any of you. It's just that you're better off without me. I hope that one day you can forgive me for destroying our family. I am an empty shell of a person, doing only harm. Please comfort Dawson –he's a good man, and he doesn't deserve to hurt because of me. Take care of Alex – he needs a mother, just like we do.

Maybe one day I can come back. I don't know. I'm sorry if I am disappointing you, but college isn't the answer yet. I'm not sure I ever wanted to go there. It was an assumption made because I did well at school.

Please don't try to find me – I'll hide myself well, and hope that when I'm far away, I won't be able to inflict harm on you anymore.

Until we meet again,

Joey.

Mrs. Ryan,

Thank you for all you have done for me. You were the only one who cared whether I lived or not in those black days – even I didn't care enough. You are an angel in disguise. However, it is time for me to go. I've stayed here too long. I'm taking myself away from Capeside, where I've caused so much trouble. Please take care of Bessie for me. Apart from Alex, she's all alone until Dad gets out again…if that happens. She'll need someone, even more than I did when you took me in. And tell Jen and Jack that I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. I doubt that my absence will make any difference to their lives, but in case it does, they have each other. I've learnt that, after the bonds of family, bonds of friendship are stronger than the bonds of love. You can fall in love with many people, but true friendship is something to be cherished. I wish that was how I'd left things with Dawson…

Please forgive me for doing this. I hope to see you again one day, but I need time to change and grow. I love you for the way you've helped me.

Joey.

Pacey,

I don't really know what to say. Take care of Dawson for me – don't let him break down and tell him I'm not good enough for him. You'll be the only one he can depend on from now, and I'm sorry that I'm burdening you by going. I do love him, but I'm fed up of hurting him. It pains me to be away from him, but it's for his own good.

Thank you for helping me through the rough times and for always being the one whose life was worse. Feel good about yourself in the knowledge that at least you can stick it out. I gave up. You're better than I am.

Joey

Jen,

I'm sorry for being a bitch to you all those years ago. I was jealous because you had the one thing I wanted. Then I got it. As George Bernard Shaw said, ‘there are two great tragedies in life – one is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it'. I'm hoping you'll forgive me for not knowing the quote word perfect, but English Literature always lost it's gleam after that study session at Chris'. Anyway, you can have Dawson now. I don't want him pining after me. Comfort him, and I hope that affection will turn into love for you both. You deserve him more than I ever did.

I'll always wish we were better friends.

Joey

Dawson,

Oh God, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm leaving you behind. And it hurts like hell. But let me explain some things, OK? I'm sorry I threatened to take our baby away from you. It was stupid and I wish I'd never thought about it maybe it would still be here. If it were still here, I'd want to be with you. We could have got married. You would not have ruined my life, just supported me in it. I know that now. Oh, the painful beauty of hindsight.

It was my fault that we lost it. I accept full responsibility. If I hadn't planned to kill it, maybe God wouldn't have taken it from me. And now I want that child more than anything else.

Dawson, I'm sorry for the pain I've put you through in the past few weeks. It started as restlessness, but that lethargy was nothing to do with you. I loved you. I always loved you. It had to do with me – I'm 18, and I've hardly changed since my Mom died. And that isn't something I'm proud of. I need to grow up, and the only way I can do that is by being alone. So please don't come and find me.

Last night at Chris's party, I could see the pain in your eyes. And I don't ever want to inflict that kind of pain again. Chris has never slept with me. You're my first and only. I spent some time with him because he deserves to be hurt by someone. He's only after what he can get. He takes, and doesn't give. So I felt safer being with him. I'm a better person than he is. And that goes for his friends, too. Yes, I've been to some of his parties, but kissing and drinking and dancing is all I ever did there.

Did I tell you when I first realized I was in love with you? It was when Jen got out of that taxicab. Pacey's mouth dropped open. I was expecting that – his pointer has always ruled him. But it was your reaction that disappointed me – I assumed that you didn't look at me because you hadn't become a sexual being yet. But when you looked at Jen like that, I knew that you were, you just didn't find me attractive. And that hurt. I asked myself why, and that's when I realized I loved you. I've always loved you. And that's why I'm going.

One day, I hope to return to Capeside. I hope that I'll be a good person. I hope that I'm worthy to bear your children. But I know that you could be married by then. It could be a year's time; it could be a decade or more. But I will come back, I promise. Just don't' spend your life waiting for me. If we were truly meant to be, then fate will guide us both.

Eternally yours,

Joey

XXX

-Becci Wooster

20^th September 1999

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