Love to Love You by: Becci

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Rating – R, due to the subject.

Summary – At graduation, Joey makes a decision that will change her life.

Dedication – This part of for Ines. Thank you so much.

Author’s Note – I know this story has been slow…I want this to be good, so I’m taking my time. Thanks to everyone who sends words of encouragement. I know that some of these storylines are considered ‘controversial’. But that’s what life is – it’s full of things you think will never happen to you. And you can quote me on that one!


‘I was always the one you would least expect to screw up…So I have shocked numerous people. I was always the go lucky kid, always smiling and making people laugh. I live to be the class clown, while making my straight A's since birth. Total contradiction.’

-A friend

Capeside, July 5th, 2001

Joey looked out onto the crowd. They were all waiting expectantly for her speech as valedictorian. Every member of her class had received their diplomas, and they were now waiting for the formalities to be over so they could start the parties that had been planned. She gripped the piece of paper in her hands tightly, took a deep breath and began.

"Fellow members of the graduating class of 2001. We thought this day would never come. Applications to college, teachers advising us… it all seemed to be aimed at something unreal. But now that day has come. High school… it’s the place where life is either wonderful or awful. You’re either popular, or classed as a geek. But everybody has expectations put on them. Whether it be to score the winning goal, to get straight A’s or just to get through your senior year.

"I stand here today as someone who had a tough time in high school. But the hardest time was not finding out my boyfriend was gay, it wasn’t helping my sister give birth. It wasn’t even breaking up with the one person who has ever truly loved me, or losing the baby I was expecting. No, the hardest part was this morning. Breaking free of all those expectations. This morning, I turned down my place at Columbia. I’m taking a year out, not to find myself, but to learn what I have become. And before I give the usual speech, I would like to recommend to any of you out there who have doubts – take your time. There’s a plan for every one of us, but we can take as much time reaching there as possible.

"I would like to thank those of you who have not judged. There should be more people like you in this world. I would also like to thank those of you who support without question. To quote a song, ‘In the end, only kindness matters.’ Thank you."

A polite round of applause followed, but everyone who knew Joey was shocked by her news. She had set her heart on Columbia, and she had told no one of her changed mind. The principal took the microphone once again.

"Now, Ms Potter is going to sing for us, with music played by the music class of 2001."

"Thank you. First, I would like to sing the song in your programs. After, there is a song I would very much like to sing." The assembled students began to play. Joey smiled shyly, and began to sing.

‘Now she’s walking through the clouds
With a circus mind
That’s running wild
Butterflies and zebras
Moonbeams and fairytales
All she ever thinks about is
Riding with the wind.

When I’m sad she comes to me
With a thousand smiles
She gives to me free
It’s alright, it’s alright, she says
Take anything you want from me

Fly little wing.’

(Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix (Corrs version on Talk On Corners))

Joey smiled and bowed as the audience applauded her. Her voice had been improved upon since the Windjammer contest three years ago, and singing was one of her favourite pastimes. "Thank you all. Now, I’d like to sing ‘Love To Love You’," Joey said. The students, who had not been prepared for this, left their instruments. Joey would have to sing without music. She licked her lips nervously, and automatically located Dawson in the audience. As the students were sat in alphabetical order, there he was, in between Jen and Andie. And she shut her eyes briefly before starting, her voice perfect.

‘I would love to love you like you do me
I'd love to love you like you do me
There's a pillar in my way you see
I'd love to love you like you do me

I met you on a sunny Autumn day
You instantly attracted me when asking for the way
God if I had known the pain I'd make you feel
I would have stopped this thought of us, and turned upon my heel

Though you should leave me
Time will make it be alright
Though you must leave me
Time will help you see the light
You don't need me
Time make it be alright
Though you must leave me
Believe me when I tell you...

I would love to love you like you do me
I'd love to love you like you do me
There's a pillar in my way you see
I'd love to love you like you do me

You recognised my barrier to love
I know there's nothing worse than unrequited love
So I prayed to God that I could give the love you gave to me
But something's lying in my way, preventing it to be

Though you should leave me
Time make it be alright
Though you must leave me
Believe me when I tell you

I would love to love you like you do me
I'd love to love you like you do me
There's a pillar in my way you see
I'd love to love you like you do me’

"Thank you," she said before walking off stage. All around him, students and parents were clapping to congratulate Joey on what they took only as a wonderful performance. But something in Joey’s eyes… for the first time in weeks, she had looked him straight in the eye. It was as if she had been singing to him. And if she was, then what was going on? Was she leaving Capeside? And if she were, would she ever come back?

Pacey surveyed the scene. A wild party at Chris Wolf’s house. Not that unusual. But something in the atmosphere told him this was different. Everyone in his graduating class had been invited. The air hummed with excitement at the end of school. But still, that wasn’t it. He located Dawson, his best friend, at the refreshment table, so he made his way over.

"Hey, man," he greeted Dawson.

"Hey, Pacey," Dawson said monotonously.

"So…" Pacey trailed off, uncertain of what he could say. He had also noticed the way Joey was looking at Dawson during her impromptu performance.

"Look," Dawson commanded. Pacey followed his gaze to see a very hot girl dancing with Chris. She had long brown hair, and a tiny figure. She was tall, and had very long legs; accentuated by a red dress that stopped as soon as her thighs began. Ally McBeal would have been proud. The girl was enjoying herself, and even from this distance, Pacey could tell she’d had too much to drink. And it was only 7pm. Then she turned around, and Pacey’s mouth dropped open. It was Joey. "She’s been with him since she arrived," Dawson told him. "She accepted a beer off him, and ever since, she’s been on the punch." Pacey turned around and saw the punch bowl on the table behind them. An empty litre bottle of vodka stood beside it proudly.

"Do you think she knows she’s drunk?" Pacey asked.

"Probably. From the greeting kiss – tongues were involved – I’d say this isn’t the first Wolf party she’s been to."

"Dawson…" Pacey said, again wordless. He knew that they were both thinking the same thing… how close were Joey and Chris? And had all the parties been in a room filled with people? Dawson looked away for a moment, deep in thought, and then poured himself a glass of punch.

Chris smiled at Joey as she danced with one of his friends. He had come off the dance floor to get another drink. He raised her glass at her, and she moved on. He shook his head in disbelief. Who would have thought it? Josephine Potter, party girl? But in the past few weeks, she’d been like a different person. She’d always been hot. He’d noticed it for the first time during that all-nighter they’d all done to study for an English exam. At the time, he’d been after Jen, but he’d noticed her. And when he invited her to his party a couple of weeks ago, she’d agreed. She’d been the hit of the party. She’d come as his date, and in that role, she’d been perfect – dancing with him as he demanded, but also letting him chase other girls. They’d fooled around a little, but she hadn’t put out yet. So he hung on. Maybe tonight would be the night. Taking another swig, Chris looked around the room. The party was fairly successful. Most of the class had turned out, and there were some juniors about too. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. Except for Dawson Leery. But of course, he was the jealous ex, so that was to be expected. Chris had understood the meaning behind Joey’s surprise rendition. The CD he’d put on changed tunes – Ricky Martin’s ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca’ started. Automatically, Joey turned around and looked at him. The two had perfected a dance routine to the song, and tonight would be their first public performance.

Joey located Chris over at the refreshment table. She smiled at him, and he nodded, putting down his beer bottle. He made his way over to her, and put his hands around her waist. She automatically put her hands on his shoulders. And they began to dance. Joey smiled as people made a space for them.

Dawson watched as Joey’s face lit up. Then Chris Wolf went over to her. And they had begun to dance. Dawson watched for a few moments, transfixed. Joey had always been a good dancer, but tonight, she was wonderful. Then he realised what she was doing – dancing with another guy in front of him. Jealousy took over once again, and he reached for the punch…

Later that night, Joey stood at the mirror, examining her reflection. Her face looked the same. Yet she felt so different. Knowing that tonight was the night, she sat down on her bed with a pen and some paper, and began to write…

OK, OK. I know it’s short. But the song words are really appropriate and quite necessary, so if you haven’t read them, please do. I promise to have the next part out ASAP – within the next week.

Oh, and for those of you who’ve followed my progress with the dreaded GCSEs – I got my results this morning. 5A’s and 5A*’s. I’m bouncing off the walls!

26th August 1999

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