Joey sat in her cozy chair late that night – well, early the next morning – and reflected. A half empty bottle of vodka aided her with her memories, and reduced the pain. She remembered the good times with Dawson, conveniently forgetting the bad times. She remembered when they were 15, and she’d started to mentor Laura Weston. Dawson had joked about Joey becoming an interior designer. That comment had sparked something inside of Joey. Until then, she’d been totally focused on getting a college scholarship. She’d never considered her future beyond that. She hadn’t planned what would be her major. She didn’t even know what field she wanted to go into. She’d always guessed that it would be nothing spectacular.
In her dreams, she and Dawson would be married straight out of college, and they’d have children. She’d stay at home to care for them whilst he made movies. But Dawson’s comment had got her thinking – maybe she could be a success. Her grades were good at school, and if she continued, why couldn’t she get a career too? For the first time in her life, she’d pictured herself in a job that was respected and that she loved. She’d be known as a professional, not the convict’s daughter.
Dawson seemed like the one person who supported her throughout her difficult times. He held her hand at her mother’s funeral, listened to her talk about her father and protected her against the inevitable gossip. One day, he’d even punched a guy who was laughing about her. Joey smiled at the memory. Dawson had been just thirteen, and hadn’t gone through his growth spurt. Yet he’d done some damage, and got grounded by his shocked parents. It had been due to that that she’d fallen in love with him. He was a protector – in his arms, she felt safe. And her world had been scary ever since she had sent him away. Despite her saying she didn’t want to know him, he had persisted. She’d accepted him back as a friend. But eventually, the anger that she felt towards him dissolved, and she realised she was as much in love with him as ever. And she’d spent years hanging around him in the hope he’d take her back. But he’d got over her. She’d tried to seduce him after he started dating Helen, but it had failed terribly. It was after that that she’d started to withdraw. Yet none of her ‘friends’ seemed to care about her.
Joey thought of all the times that she and Dawson had spent making out. Embarrassing moments like when Gail and Mitch had discovered them. Dawson was so shocked he felt he had to remind his parents who Joey was. As if they wouldn’t remember the girl who had spent at least half her nights under their roof. There were steamy moments, too. On more than one occasion, she’d actually had to stop it going any further. Because they knew each other so well, they had felt totally secure in their actions. Which made them even more likely to cross the line. But Joey had always known that, on her command, they could cross that line together. Dawson had been unable to disguise his desire for her on multiple occasions. He’d always apologised profusely, but Joey had thought it was wonderful to know that somebody wanted her.
When they were arguing, Joey always told Dawson he was too analytical. He always used words, never actions. And at the time, Joey had been frustrated. She wanted him to show her how he felt, not talk about it. However, on occasion, Dawson’s use of the thesaurus helped her. Like when her father first came out of prison. Dawson’s warped logic had allowed her to let him back in her life. Of course, she now knew that she shouldn’t have accepted her father, but Dawson had done what she wanted him to. She knew Dawson better than she knew herself. And he probably knew her better than she did too. She needed him.
Dawson had always been so sweet to her. He was kind and considerate, yet his kisses left her breathless. She regretted never allowing herself to make love with him. She’d never experienced that with him. She knew that he would have been a tender lover, making sure that she felt loved and cherished. Her first time had instead been with Karl Jones, a jock and friend of Chris Wolf.
And of course, he’d let all his friends know. It was the typical nightmare situation of everyone laughing at her naďveté or else pitying her for allowing herself to get talked into the back seat of a car. Pacey and Jack had got her through that disaster – Dawson had been disgusted with her. That had got her hopes up of possible jealousy leading to a reconciliation, but instead, he’d lost his virginity to his girlfriend at the time.
Despite his faults, Joey still loved him. She’d made such a mess of running her own life that she needed someone to rescue her. And only Dawson could rescue her.
Joey looked at the empty vodka bottle that stood proudly on the table in front of her. She was going to tell Dawson how she felt. Even his rejection would be better than the pain she felt right now. She would drive to Providence and find him. He and Helen had been unable to take a honeymoon due to work commitments. She would take him away from that woman. He belonged to Joey. She picked up the phone, missing it on the first attempt as the room began to swing in its now familiar pattern.
"Hello? I’d like a taxi to the airport please," she said into the mouthpiece.
Thoughts please, ladies and gentlemen. Give me some feedback!
10th August 1999
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