Esperanza by: Crystal

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Disclaimer: I named this story after that song by Enrique Iglesias. I don't own Esperanza.

Note: I know I've seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth but the last two months have been so busy I've barely had time to eat...so well here's my new fanfic. It's not part of any of my other series. I'll start writing the sequal to that when I have time.

Epseranza

Esperanza te aseguro
que sin ti hoy nada tengo
que seras por siempre el angel
de mis suenos.

~"Esperanza"- Enrique Iglesias

Joey numbly walked home, a coldness seemed to seep into her, running through her veins. She had never felt so alone. When her mother had died, Dawson had been there. When her father was arrested, Dawson had been there. He had always been there for her in a way no other could. And that night in his room she had felt the icy fingers of fear tugging at her heart. He had not been there, for once in her life Dawson was not there when she had truly needed him. Joey had not gone to his room to talk, for the words had died on her tongue, unimportant and forgotten, with one glance into the room. She had come for comfort of the friendship he had offered. The friendship that now lay maddeningly beyond her reach, teasing her with the simple promise of bridging the guilt that lay between her and Dawson. Now she wondered if that could ever happen. Was she being unrealistic?

She sighed. Where could he be? It was well past midnight but that desolate room told her that Dawson had not been there all night. Joey could not think of one place where he could be at this time of night. Definitely not Pacey's house nor Jen's for that matter. It was a clear sign that Dawson had withdrawn so far from her that she had no idea what was going on in his life other than what was on the surface. Their lives had always shared the same path despite their differing hopes and dreams but now his had veered off sharply from hers. Who was Dawson becoming?

***

Dawson lay in the unfamiliar bed at his father's place, he stared at the ceiling as if searching for the answers he so desperately needed there. Jen lay in the bedroom beyond, released from the torment in her life by the relief of sleep. He sighed, Jen's loss of will disturbed him. She would rather lose herself in drink and sex rather than try to change her life. He knew she had offered the same to him by inviting him to the party but as he had awkwardly wandered past his drunken classmates he knew that it was not him. He was not capable of throwing his life away. His thoughts moved onto Jen's words, he was the unhappiest person she knew. For once he had felt that she was right. He spent so much time understanding and comforting other people yet he did not receive the same from them.

When he had found out about the kiss between Joey and Jack a blinding rage had engulfed him. The fury had been so savage that he had been unable to speak to Joey and had stalked off intent on demanding answers. He found out that it was better to remain blissfully ignorant than in the starkness of the truth. Joey had followed him as he had angrily left school pleading with him. But once she had initially apologized she had expected him to be able to forgive and forget instantly. Joey did not seem to be able to fathom the extent of the hurt she had dealt him. She had gotten mad at him for not forgiving her. 'How dare he not forgive her? She was the person who was suffering because of her poor future and lack of love for herself. She couldn't love herself with his help.' But apparently with Jack's help she can he thought jealously.

What he had never told Joey was that without her at his side all his dreams for the future were empty, they carried little meaning for him without her. She had been the unspoken base everything he had hoped for in the future. Now Joey's lack of understanding and selfishness disturbed him. Did she believe that because his family was well off, because he was an only child he didn't have problems? He could not feel despair because he hadn't gone through what she had gone through? Dawson knew his problems had never reached the high extent that Joey's had. His mother was not dead, his father was not in jail. But she could not use this as the basis of what she seemed to convey to him. 'You don't have my problems. I'm the one with problems who needs to be understood. You live in a dream world and your problems are not real.' Yet he did have problems but she couldn't seem to understand that.

Dawson had forgiven her for cheating on him once the initial rage had dissipated, he had tried his best to understand what problems she was going through. Not it seemed that his life was veering off from hers in an unexpected direction. He was not Dawson- "Joey's best friend." He was Dawson- "Joey's ex-boyfriend- Pacey's confidant- his father's 'friend'- Jen's white knight." This change pulled him further from Joey who just wanted to be "friends." He could never be just "friends" with her. There was no hope of recovering that old friendship they had shared in earlier days.

He would pretend and put on a facade for her but if would never work and if they still shared any of the same bond as before she would feel that. Maybe that terrible awkwardness would lessen but it would never work. He would try but he didn't know. Could he pull off the guise of simple friend while he still loved her? No. Joey was fooling herself if she thought they could ever be just "friends" again.

***

Joey walked down the street in the early morning. She needed to clear her thoughts. As she glanced up she saw Dawson and Jen emerging from an unfamiliar building. They were deep in conversation and Dawson had that friendly, understanding look on his face as he bent down to hear what Jen was saying. They looked so comfortable in each others presence. Dawson had spent the night with Jen? How dare he? But he's not yours anymore a tiny voice spoke in her mind as a fierce possessiveness overcame her.

"Dawson Leery! How could you?" she spoke contemptuously to him, "You say one thing but do another."

"Joey," not a pleading voice but one that was firm. "Joey," Dawson grabbed her by the arm and spun her to face him. "May I ask what business of yours is what goes on between me and Jen? You and I are just friends. Remember? And if you really have to know, this is my father's new place, you can knock on the door and go talk to him. Jen and I are friends and I was helping her out. It shouldn't be any of your business but I wanted to tell you the truth."

Dawson strode back to where Jen stood waiting. They walked together down the street as Joey stood watching them with regret.

To be continued...

Please tell me what you think of it and if you have any ideas on what to do next! Thank you! I would just like to know anything about how you thought of it and email me.

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Email Crystal

Avega47028@aol.com


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