Losing Control by: Matahari

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Personal message: Hi! It's me! Matahari! (Matahari91@aol.com) We this is the next Sweet Dreams. Part VI, if you didn't know. It's kind of short, but it's just something to tide you guys over for awhile. I'll still keep writing my fanfic, but probably not as often because of school and all. I have a kind of website now with all my fanfic, and it will probably be updated sooner than the ones I send it to. It is soo cool making those things. The novelty still hasn't worn off yet! :) I'm new at it though, so don't expect miracles. So, if you want me to tell you when there's new stuff up, send me your e-mail address and I'll be sure to send you an e-mail when I do. I'll probably still post in all the sites though or maybe I could just send them the link so they don't have to go through any trouble in HTML-izing everything. Well, I'll figure it out. The website is: http://members.aol.com/Matahari91/index.html (from Alex: there's a link on the main page) Check it out.

Spoilers: Well, it mentions that Bessie has a baby, that the characters names are Joey and Dawson, that there even is a Bessie...

Rating: This part is probably G-rated. I don't know. The rating system seems to have changed.

Setting: In Joey's and Dawson's English classroom, before 5th period.

THANK YOU AGAIN!!! Thank you! iGracias! iMerci! etc. etc. etc. You people are all so wonderful out there! The best people in the world. :) Hope you had a great summer and I really hope you'll all keep in touch and read my fanfic. I don't expect as many comments as before because school's starting, but if you can just write "I read it and it was good" or something like that, that would be great! Just to know that you're still out there!

Wishing you not too much homework and fun days ahead!

Losing Control

"We need to talk." repeated Dawson. "We definitely need to talk." He closed the classroom door while students were filing through the halls.

"Dawson..." Joey said pleadingly. "Not here...not now...please." She knew that sooner or later Dawson and she were going to have to go through this conversation. She had just hoped it would be later.

"Joey, until last night we always prided ourselves in being able to tell each other what was going on in our lives, but somehow it seems that things weren't what we thought they were. Joey, if you want everything to turn okay like I do, you'll at least talk to me." Dawson asked looking into her eyes.

He was afraid that she'd just tell him to get lost, that she'd yell and scream at him, but he realized that even worse was when she kept quiet and didn't say anything at all. When she kept all her feelings and thoughts walled up inside where only she could try to deal with them and all he wanted was to set her free from that responsibility or at least help her with it. He looked at her. She looked like a cornered cat with no way out and he hated doing this to her, but the situation needed to be delt with.

Joey looked into his eyes. She was breathing heavily and desperately thought in her mind a way to get out. She was so desperate that she, in vain, said, "Dawson...I need to get to class..." and he had responded:

"Joey, you know very well that we both have lunch next period. We can definitely afford to talk. Why don't you want to talk to me if you really love me as much as you say you do?"

Joey looked like she had been punched in the stomach. There was no measure of how hurt she was that Dawson doubted her love for him. If there was anything at all she was sure of, it was that she loved Dawson Leery with all her heart.

Dawson immediately regretted asking the question when he saw the look in Joey's eyes. She looked so angry and hurt that he had even mentioned the subject. Joey quickly looked down on the ground and mumbled sighing, "If there's one thing I'm sure of right now in my mixed-up life, it's that I love you, Dawson. It's just that the other pieces of the puzzle are a little off. I guess I'm just scared to...to be alone with you, Dawson."

"Why Joey? I would never hurt you, you know that," he said ernestly.

"I know you would never intentionally hurt me, Dawson. But there are some things that just can't be prevented. If I stay alone with you now, I'm afraid that I'll forget my resolution. Whenever I'm with you, Dawson, everything else just flies out the window and I just won't do that. For your sake and mine."

"Dawson, have you ever wondered what it would be like in the future? I mean, I have this one dream where you and I get married and we live happily ever after. But there's this other one that has be reccuring more and more lately, where you and I break up. We fight a lot about stupid things, and forget about each other. We lose our friendship and that's the one thing I hold most dear in my life. I'm not willing to risk it for some passing fling."

"And there's this other one where we're so seemingly happy, but you give up your dream to become a famous director and I give up mine to go to college. I'm pregnant at 18, kind of like Bessie and you have to work at a gasoline station or something like that to make ends meet. Do you ever get out of your Spielbergized world to think about what may happen to us?!" Joey said, directing the anger towards herself to Dawson.

"Joey, our relationship is just about the only thing I think about nowadays." Dawson said, sighing. "Why did everything have to get so complicated?" he asked himself, leaning against a desk. "I know, Joey. We grew up. But who stated what time it was to grow up? Who ever said I couldn't hold up reality for a little while and live in my fantasy world where everything turns out perfectly. But even now, my fantasies are bombarded by reality and pain and there's no safe place to retreat to." "At the time you left this morning, I dreamt that I was going to marry you and you said yes and it was perfect for awhile. Except, when you and I were going to get married, you said that you couldn't for the same reasons you're saying now. When I woke up, I was glad that it was just a dream, but look! It turns out my worst nightmare is a living reality."

"Jo, I know I've made mistakes. I should, I've been going through all of them in my head ever since you left. I know the one, single thing I would never forgive myself for would be losing you. *You* are the most important thing in my life. I will never be able to forget you, I would let you win every fight if you wanted...just give me a chance to at least repair the relationship we once had and when and if you're ready, to go on from there."

"Dawson, I realize what you're going through. I've kicked myself in the back over a thousand times today regretting what I did, but I also kept back from running into your arms by thinking to myself it was for the best. You know what I thought to myself when I was rowing home today? Well, I was thinking if where I was headed was really my home, but all I could really believe was that the only place I felt safe was in your arms," Joey said, blushing profusely.

"Joey," Dawson said warmly, putting his arms around her. "I can make you feel safe, I can help you. We can both get through this together."

Joey savored the moment, closing her eyes, wanting to believe him. She finally pulled away, though, in the end. The look in her eyes was distant, as if ruminating over a memory. She took in a deep breath. "Dawson..."


Suddenly, Joey looked very pale. She started to feel weak and her eyes were covered in black. She could see the bright lights on the ceiling, but everything else was just shadows. Her arms and hands were like ice, and she could hear Dawson's voice as if it was obscured by another source. Like he was speaking through a cloud.

She tried to keep standing up, but everything was spinning and her knees were like jelly. She tried to call out for help, but her mouth didn't seem to be able to move. She got this sinking feeling in her stomach and her head and, she felt herself losing control of reality and being drawn in a deep abyss of darkness.

"Joey?! What's happening?! What's wrong?!" Dawson asked frantically. His voice was raspy and getting desperate. He grabbed her hand and found it to be as cold as an icicle. She looked so white and like she was going to fall at any moment.

In his mind, he thought, "Oh no! What's happening! What's going to happen to her!? "Joey, don't leave me! I...I love you! Don't do this! Pull yourself through! I don't care if you want to be apart from me! That's okay... as long as you're all right! Do you hear me, Joey? Joey?!" He shook her slightly. She didn't respond.

Her always telling eyes were blank, but they turned towards him as if in some way asking for help. A few seconds later, she fell into his arms in a dead faint.

Feedback: I love feedback! I wouldn't say I live off it, but it's like chocolate. You know? You don't *need* it, but you know you want it. Be glad that you can speak out your thoughts. Send ideas, suggestions, comments, questions and whatever else you have. Thanks!

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