One Crazy Summer Part Ten by: Tara

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Pacey shifted nervously as Jack fitted his key to the lock. They had dropped the girls off to go shopping at Thayer Street already and Jack had called Andie last week to tell her he was coming home, but had made no mention of Pacey. Now they stood in front of a huge old Victorian firmly ensconced in a clearly well-off neighborhood not far from Brown University.

Before Jack could finish turning the knob, the door was yanked open and Andie was there shouting, "Welcome home, Jack!" She hugged her brother, her eyes squeezed tight as she chattered about how excited his dad would be to see him-despite the unlikeliness of that possibility. Andie was ever the optimist.

Pacey took the moment to look at her. It was so long since he'd seen her in the flesh. It seemed much longer than the two months it had really been. She'd dyed her hair back to blonde thankfully and she looked as pretty as he remembered.

A lump lodged in his throat. Not able to wait any longer, he cleared his throat, "Hey McPhee. Long time no see."

Andie's eyes flew open and she looked over Jack's shoulder to see Pacey leaning against the doorframe. For one moment she looked blissfully happy as Jack stepped away and she took a step towards Pacey. Then as swiftly as a door swinging shut her expression changed and shuttered closed.

"Pacey, what are you doing here?" she asked somewhat angrily.

"I asked you not to come." She couldn't meet his eyes and fiddled with the doorknob as Jack motioned for Pacey to come inside. "I think you guys need to talk, I'm going to go make some calls, ok?"

Jack quietly walked out of the foyer, leaving the two of them to stare awkwardly at the beige carpeting.

A moment later, Andie's host instincts kicked in and she showed him into the living room.

"Would you like something to drink? You must be tired after the trip. Did you drive or take the ferry? We have soda, apple juice, water, milk"-she started rattling off a blue streak, never once meeting his eyes.

"No, no I don't want a drink Andie. I want you to sit down and talk to me and stop being so polite. I want you to look at me."

She shrugged and tried to laugh, but it came out as a croak. "I am looking at you Pacey," she lied, fixing her eyes on a spot just over his left ear." You're wearing a red shirt and jean shorts and-"

"Andie," he stood up and reached out to put his hands on her shoulders, but she quickly moved aside. He refused to get upset with her.

"I got your letter. What is wrong? Why don't you want to see me anymore?"

"I…I told you in the letter Pacey. I just can't," she sat down next to him on the brocade couch.

"You shouldn't have come here. It's just going to make it harder for both of us."

"Andie, why? Why do we have to break up? I mean, I understand you need to be here to get better and that it might take more than one summer. It's OK. I'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes."

"NO! Pacey I don't want you to wait for me. I know you don't understand and you think I'm just freaking out or something. But I'm not. I'm getting better, Pacey."

Her voice trembled, but Andie was dry-eyed. "You can't imagine what that feels like. I can barely understand it myself. But for so long, I felt like I was running in a race where everyone else was miles ahead of me and I was barely able to keep up with them. Now I'm not running anymore. I'm walking and I don't feel like I have to catch up or everything will come crashing down around me. And I can't have anything interfere with that. Not even you. I need to concentrate on getting myself better. I'm sorry Pacey."

She turned and began to walk out of the room. But Pacey ran after her and grabbed her arm before she could leave. "That's it? I come here to see you and you dismiss me and our entire relationship after five minutes like I was some door-to-door salesman!" He was yelling now, he couldn't help it.

Andie's game face crumpled and she looked near tears. "Pacey don't do this. I told you, I just can't."

"But Andie I can help you, I can be strong enough for you and I won't do anything to distract you from getting better," he stopped, aware that he was begging now and feeling ashamed.

For a moment, she looked as though she was going to agree. But she only said, "I still love you, Pacey." She hugged him briefly, then pulled back, afraid that if she held on too tight or too long, she'd never be able to let go. He watched her walk down the hall and disappear into a room shutting the door behind her.

Feeling shell-shocked, Pacey realized there was really nothing more he could say or do. Andie was still as stubborn as ever and he wouldn't be able to talk her out of this one. In a daze, he let himself out the door and walked across the street to wait in the back of the truck for Jack.


An hour later, the two were strolling along T-Street with Jen and Joey, browsing in a new age-type store that sold candles and books on the occult.

As Joey picked up a deck of tarot cards, she saw Pacey out of the corner of her eye, looking forlornly at a magic-8 ball that someone had obviously left out as a joke. She sidled up next to him.

"Pacey? Are you sure you're ok?"

Pacey gritted his teeth and put the toy down. "For the hundredth time, Joey, I'm fine. It's over. I'll deal. End of story."

He walked over to Jack and Jen who were looking at some therapeutic candles.

Joey followed him doggedly. "Maybe the reason we keep asking you Pacey is because you're obviously not fine. You look like a Mack truck ran you over and you've done nothing but utter monosyllabic grunts all afternoon. Stop acting like nothing happened and talk to us."

Pacey bristled. "What do you want from me Joey? What do you want to hear? You want me to whine and cry about how miserable I am and tell you it feels like someone yanked my goddamn heart right out of my chest so you can gloat about how right you were that I shouldn't have come here. Fine. I just did."

He stomped out of the store, his heavy footsteps making some crystal wind chimes over the door tinkle and dance.

The three of them saw the alarmed stares from the shopkeeper and followed him outside. Jack saw Joey's eyes narrow as she spotted Pacey several yards away staring in a store window.

Before she could charge ahead and give him a piece of her mind, as she was prone to do when riled up, he gently took hold of her arm to restrain her. Jen went on ahead, thinking it wouldn't be such a good idea to leave an angry, miserable Pacey alone. The loss of target made Joey reel on Jack, nearly shouting.

"What the hell happened to him? Did your sister totally eviscerate him?"

"Calm down Joey. All Andie said was the same things she wrote in the letter, that she needed time to get better. Pacey's hopes were too high that's all. He was sure he'd be able to smooth things over, but when Andie gets an idea into her head, she can be pretty stubborn. But hey, eviscerating? Like your verbal assaults on the guy are sweet nothings."

He was a little miffed that she'd attacked his sister's character that way.

Joey forced herself to relax and she sighed. "I'm sorry Jack. I didn't mean to lash out at you or say anything nasty about Andie. But Pacey's been my friend since we were kids and it's obvious he's feeling hurt. I'm a little protective that's all."

Jack had never been one to hold a grudge and he grinned after a second or two. "Man, if this is a little protective, remind me not to hang around when your kids start dating!"

They laughed, imagining themselves as middle-aged parents, but Jack didn't miss the concerned glances Joey occasionally snuck of a talking Jen and Pacey.


Pacey could see Jen approaching him gingerly in the reflection of the shop window. He hadn't mean to lash out at Joey, he just didn't want to talk about Andie anymore. He wanted everyone to stop asking if he was fine.

"I'd offer you a penny for your thoughts, but from the look of that scowl they must be worth at least a quarter."

Pacey turned to Jen, who was smiling somewhat apologetically.

"I know we haven't gotten much of a chance to talk one-on-one this summer Pacey, but I've always considered you a great friend. If you need a sympathetic ear, I'm always here."

He smiled genuinely at her, squeezing her shoulder. "Thanks Jen. I don't feel like talking about it yet though." He laughed bitterly.

"Seems all we ever do in Capeside is talk things to death. Growing up with Dawson, every feeling had to be dissected, analyzed and properly classified in relation to its Spielberg counterpart. And I never really had a problem with it before you know, maybe because nothing really meant as much to me as this relationship. I'm not ready for this to be turned into some future script for our golden boy filmmaker." Jen was looking at him with sympathy and pity. He laughed harshly, "Don't I sound bitter?"

"Bitter? I was thinking more along the lines of mature and sensitive." Jen smiled at him and put her arm around his waist. He looked down at her, thinking what an utter fool Dawson had been to mess things up with two incredible women who had feelings for him.

He put his arm around Jen's shoulders as they ambled back towards Jack and Joey.

"Ah, the side effects of a life as Dawson Leery's best friend."

He shook his head, and looked at Jen as a familiar impish smile played about his lips. "Good thing there's fringe benefits."

She looked at him quizzically, glad to see he was in a somewhat lighter mood.

"I got to be friends with this great girl. Jen Lindley, ever heard of her? She's about your height, looks kinda like you too…." He grinned fully now.

"Pacey, Pacey, Pacey," she shook her head in mock exasperation, then flashed him a huge smile. "Flattery will get you everywhere." She continued in a more serious tone. "And for what it's worth, although I understand Andie's decision and respect it, I know if I was in her shoes right now, I'd be kicking myself for giving up such a fantastic guy."

"Thanks, Jen." He gave her his 1000-watt charming smile and hauled her in for a hug. And Jen couldn't help but wonder if Andie really realized just what she'd lost.


They'd been on the ferry back to Capeside for about 15 minutes, when they realized Pacey had slipped away without their notice. "I'm sure he's fine. Just needed some time to think you know," Jen said.

Jack nodded, but Joey seemed doubtful. When 20 minutes ticked by without his return, Joey couldn't sit still any longer.

"Uh guys, I'm going, to um, go uh, go down to the truck and get my, my sweater. It's kind of cold don't you think. I'll be right back." She practically sprinted off.

As Jack watched her go, he started to protest. "Chilly? Joey it's gotta be about 95 degrees today."

Jen laid a hand on his arm. "It's alright. Let her go. She's probably feeling guilty for pushing him earlier and wants to make sure he's OK."

Jack frowned. "Jen, what is it with this new friendship between Jo and Pacey? They've been practically attached at the hip the last few weeks. If I didn't know how much Pacey loves Andie, I'd almost think there was something going on there."

Jen nearly choked on the mouthful of water she had just taken from the squeeze bottle in her hand. "Well, they've gotten much closer this summer."

Ugh, that sounded lame even to her. She saw Jack's skeptical look and it occurred to her to wonder if he might be jealous. Gay or not, He was Joey's ex-boyfriend. She tried to cover quickly. "She's just worried about him ok? Just like she would be for you if you'd gotten your heart broken. Hey speaking of your heart, how are things with you and Brian?"

Jack blushed and all thoughts of Pacey and Joey were forgotten as he updated Jen on his own slowly burgeoning love life.


Ten minutes later, Joey walked down the stairs into the car hold of the ferry. This was the last place left to check. Her eyes quickly scanned the area seeing no one. She headed for the truck at the far end of the floor but discovered the cab and flatbed were empty. As Joey turned to go, she heard a low keening noise coming from the other side of the vehicle. She walked around the rear bumper and saw Pacey. He was curled up against the ferry's low side wall, his head bowed on his folded arms, which were resting on his knees.

Another ragged sob escaped his lips, although it was obvious he was trying to hold back. Joey stepped forward to go to him and the rusty floor creaked, causing him to look up. In the second before his face froze, Joey saw a look she hadn't seen on Pacey in years. Not since she and Dawson were 6 years old and went into the cloak room their first day of kindergarten and found a scared little boy crying, afraid his mother had abandoned him.

A combination of hurt, betrayal and bewilderment mingled in his eyes and the raw pain of his emotions was so clear on his face that Joey felt as though she was experiencing them right along with him. A wave of sorrow slapped her as she watched his shaking form and she felt her eyes sting with tears.

For an instant, life was simple again. Pacey was hurting and she wanted-no, she needed-to make the pain go away. She knelt down next to him and placed her hands on his arms. Still sobbing, he tried to pull back from her touch, telling her to go away.

"Joey, leave me alone. I don't-"

"Pa-cey." Her voice broke as she said his name, splitting it into two anguish-filled syllables. He stopped struggling. Joey's hands floated up to his face, as she wiped the tears from his cheeks with her fingers. She looked intently into his eyes, silently asking him to trust her. Softly, she spoke.

"Let me."

At her simple plea, some internal dam busted and Pacey couldn't hold back anymore. He reached out to her and Joey pulled him into her arms, wrapping them tightly around him. His voice sounded like broken glass and was no louder than a whisper.

"It hurts so much, Jo. So damn much." He crushed her to him and for a second she couldn't breathe. But she held on. They clung to each other almost desperately and Joey felt his hot tears trickling down her neck. She lifted a hand to smooth his hair gently, resting her head against his.

"I know, Pace. I know."

They must have sat there for nearly an hour, just holding on to each other.

When the Capeside pier came into view, Pacey-long since cried out-loosened his embrace and eased back against the wall. Immediately, Joey felt a sense of emptiness and loss flood through her.

Feelings too heavy for thought kept them both silent as they watched the shoreline grow closer. People slowly started to trickle down the steps to their cars and Pacey got to his feet, holding out a hand to help Joey up. She stood and he looked at her for a long minute. Joey tried to imagine what he must be thinking but she couldn't. She squirmed slightly under his gaze, feeling oddly bashful, looking down at her worn-out sneaker absently tracing patterns on the metal floor.

Her eyes flew up to meet his when he leaned over and gently kissed her cheek.

"Thank you, Joey." He smiled now, looking not unlike the curly-headed six-year-old with missing front teeth who she and Dawson had coaxed out of the cloakroom that day so long ago.

"Anytime, Pacey," she smiled at him. But inside something panged. She ignored it, smiling bigger, brighter.

"Anytime."

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