Disclaimer: I don't own the song "Shaman's Blues" by the Doors.

Distribution: Put it wherever you want as long as you send an e-mail to Avega47028@aol.com.  

Note: To understand the story you need to read my previous fanfics, Tu Vacio and Death... Also the story takes place sometime in the second season after Joey dumped Dawson. It's based on rumors I heard about season two.  

Joey held Dawson's hand as the ambulance raced to the hospital. She fervently prayed that he would not die.  

"Will he be okay?" she asked the paramedic that was applying the resuscitation bag to Dawson's face.  

"Right now, I can't say," he said. He hooked up Dawson intravenously to a bag of fluids.

  Joey looked down at Dawson and whispered, "I'm sorry."

   ***  

Dawson was rushed into the ER, disappearing behind a locked door, his face pale, devoid of life.  

Joey collapsed onto the plastic of the waiting room couches, all at once her energy diminished. She thought of Dawson lying on the floor of his room amidst the ruin, slivers of plastic gleaming in his hair.   

***  

Twenty minutes later, Pacey burst into the ER. Catching sight of Joey he ran to her and held her as she sobbed in his arms.  

"Joey are you okay? What happened to Dawson? Doug told me he was taken to the hospital," he questioned her after she had calmed down.

"Dawson...tried to hang himself...I...I found him...he looked at me!" she stuttered as tears began to run anew.  

"Dawson?!" Pacey stared in shock. "He tried to kill himself! Why? You found him?!" Pacey tried to control his emotions, covering them with a face of neutrality.  

"Pacey, can you just hold me," Joey asked.   

***

  Dawson was moved into the ICU shortly after that, Joey was informed as he was wheeled into the ward the doors closing behind him. No visitors.

   ***

  Gail Leery ran into the hospital waiting room outside the ICU. Her hair was disheveled.  

"Joey...Pacey...I came home for a story and...and I found Dawson's room..." she began to cry. "I never saw...I never...suspected that he would...Did I neglect him so much that I couldn't see when my little boy was hurting?" her voice rose querulously.  

Joey slowly got up and hugged Gail, "I know how you feel Mrs. Leery." And she did. Joey had turned her back on Dawson and those years of friendship because of a misunderstanding. After the drinking incident the most she did was glare at him. Angry that he didn't justify her anger.  

As they had waited for news Pacey had explained the incident with Jen. When Dawson had tried to explain she had turned her back to him and walked away, into the arms of Jack. Joey knew she didn't love Jack. She had only used him to get back at Dawson, trying to hurt him as she felt she had been hurt. Now, facing the chance of losing Dawson forever, she realized she loved him. After breaking up with him, she had denied it time and time again. Joey had to tell him.  

She and Mrs. Leery hugged in the shabby waiting room, sharing the pain that now engulfed everything in their lives.   

***  

The next morning Joey woke up in the waiting room, her eyes swollen. Dirty light filtered in throught a window. Pacey and Gail Leery slept next to Joey, now having a certain immunity from all the pain, concerning Dawson's attempt at suicide, in sleep. She looked around the white room, magazines strew, the smell of old coffee permeating everything. The room seemed so plastic, so detached, that it threatened to swallow her. Joey had to get out. She walked out then, slowly going faster until she broke into a run, heading for Dawson's house, to his room, to the closet that would help her, the only refuge she had.  

Joey raced through the front door, open, a dark mouth, and up the stairs, to the closet. She opened the closet door, stepping over shattered plastic and dismembered posters. The closet was immaculate. None of the chaos in the room touched it, as if Dawson had known she would use it as sanctuary. Joey stepped in as she had so many times befor, the door swung shut behind her.

   ***

  An hour later Joey climbed out of the closet, her face calm. She had to get rid of the hateful destruction in Dawson's room, the room she had spent so much time in looked alien, baleful. She got a big, black plastic bag from downstairs. Like one you put a corpse in a little voice in the back of her head whispered morbidly. No. She couldn't face that just yet.  

Carefully, Joey began to pick up the mutilated poster, the ones that Dawson had loved so dearly. The E.T. poster had all but been annihilated. What had set him off, causing this fury, this need to destroy?  

Picking up the movies she saw a maroon smear of blood on E.T., as if he had stroked it, caressed it. Was that when he had made the decision that he needed to die? she thought. When he had decided life wasn't worth living?  

Only one object in the room remained intact. A movie, simply labeled Dawson and Joey, accusatory. As if to explain his reasons for trying to end his life. The room was now bare, everything had been destroyed, and now all had been put into a plastic bag. The death of his former life. Dawson had only spared this one video. The TV screen had been turned into a gaping black hole. Joey ran downstairs and shoved the movie into the VCR.  

The movie showed Dawson and Joey as toddlers, as children sharing identical pumpkin grins. Their life together as best friends. The last showed Dawson and Joey sharing a kiss, his eyes were closed, the expression on his face peaceful. The screen went blank. Joey had wept throughout the whole movie and had no tears left to shed. Now she had the strength to go to the hospital, to see Dawson.   

***  

Dawson Leery opened his eyes. The ruin of his room was now replaced with a white hospital room, its walls blank. Tubes were attached all over an, an I.V. drip in his arm.  

Joey. He remembered her white shocked face, her eyes large as she had gaped at him through the window. He remembered nothing after that, until he had awoken in the hospital room.  

A doctor walked in. His white hair shone in the glare of the lights.  

Glancing at the chart the doctor said, "Mr. Leery, you have finally rejoined us. I'm Dr. James. Shortly you shall be moved to a private room. Do you want visitors, I mean, concerning the circumstances that brought you here?"  

"Yes, except please could I not be visited by Joey Potter nor my parents. I'm not yet prepared to see them." Dawson thought of Joey. He couldn't face her. Not yet.   

***  

Joey reentered the ICU waiting room. Pacey and Gail were now awake. Their eyes glued to the ICU doors.  

"Mrs. Leery...Pacey, any news yet?" she asked.

"No," they said.  

"Joey, where were you? We were so worried!" Pacey exclaimed. "You know, the Romeo and Juliet thing?"  

Gail Leery just looked on, her eyes never leaving the ICU doors. "I had to think," Joey said, glancing at Gail.  

A doctor walked out of the ICU. He introduced himself, "I'm Dr. James. I'm in charge of Dawson Leery's recovery." He paused. "Dawson has regained consciousness and has been moved to a private room. He can now see visitors."  

"We can see him," Gail Leery choked out, "he'll be okay." Pacey and Joey breathed sighs of relief at the news. "Joey, honey, do you want to see Dawson first?" Gail asked.

Dr. James interrupted. "Specifically requested by the patient was that Joey Potter not be admitted nor his parents." They stared in shock.

Joey burst out, "Why..."

"He said it would upset him," the doctor said, staring at Joey. She saw the look in his eyes. He knew. He knew that Dawson's suicide attempt was in some way connected to her.  

"Well...I'm sorry Joey," Mrs. Leery said and then just seemed to collapse inwardly. Joey just sat down and hunched over. Dawson didn't want to see her. He hated her. She was the cause of his pain. Pacey put his arm around Joey's shoulders. "It'll be okay, Jo. I'll talk to him.  

To be continued...  

What did you think of it? Please send feedback! I'm starting school so I won't have as much time to write.

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